Mass Email - The Last Email For a While

Namaste all...

Well, today is my last day/night at Ramana's Garden. For those of you looking at your calendars in confusion, yes, I am leaving a bit early. This past month has been one of the most challenging and eye-opening, yet equally rewarding, I've known. Living with, and learning from these kids has been one of the most bountiful experiences I've ever had in my life. No expectations could have ever prepared me for how deeply they have touched me, and how much I have learned about myself and my role in this world. To watch these kids live every day with such gratitude, and to face the world and everyone they meet with such open hearts, despite their horrific pasts, has been truly humbling. It has made me realize how closed off so many of us (defintely myself) are to each other and to everything we are SO blessed with.
On the flip side, it has been so disheartening to see so much of the corruption and lack of humanity in the role of Prabha, the woman who founded and claims to run Ramana's Garden. There is so much I could share about the difficulties each of the volunteers and staff have encountered in dealing with her, but those are stories to be told at another time. What she has started here in Rishikesh with Ramana's Garden is something unparalleled anywhere else in India. It is truly a remarkable endeavor, and I respect her immensely for the foundation she has built here. Ramana's is a place where kids can come to have a family, build a foundation for themselves, learn to live independently within their own culture and beliefs, and to hopefully become the kind of adults who are capable and motivated to change India and make it a better place for future generations. I believe whole-heartedly in this mission, and their ability to do so. Unfortunately, though, one person's human struggles (and without question, 30 years of living in and dealing with India), has created a very dark force within the institution that is so powerful that it has driven, and continues to drive, people away from Ramana's Garden.
There is no doubt in my mind that I will return to Ramana's Garden at a later point in my life. Even in these few short weeks, this place, the energy surrounding it, and these incredible people and children have become so much a part of me that I am forever changed. However, all of the volunteers I"ve been working with have collectively decided that being here during this time when Prabha's corruptive and destructive control over us, the children, and the politics and spirituality of Ramana's is too toxic for us to stay here at this time. After a very bizarre series of events (which will remain to be told at a later date) all of us have decided to end our time at Ramana's this week, and go our seperate ways.

On a lighter note....last night all of the volunteers went out for our last dinner together at a restaurant halfway between Rishikesh and Haridwar, appropriately named "Midway" Restaurant. This is the only place in Uttaranchal (the state in which we are) where you can legally buy alcohol. Since none of us had had any kind of alcohol in a month or longer, we managed to get nice and silly pretty quickly, which made for a very entertaining night to say the least! :) (Granted, "nice and silly" was the product of 2 beers, a pathetic claim coming from a former Boulder student and EMI employee). The restaurant was by far the nicest we've been to in India thus far. We all sat at proper tables with actual chairs (we usually sit on the ground) on this huge open lawn under the stars and fireflies (which are often hard to distinguish). I had my first Tikka Masala (my favorite Indian dish which I havent been able to find yet) and naan, along with various appetizers and our favorite dessert called "Hello To The Queen." This is a very popular dessert in India, and it's made of crushed cookies, ice cream, fried bananas and chocolate syrup. It's a feast to be had, although we have all agreed it should instead be named "Hello To The John" since it tends to do a number on the ol' digestive system...
After a 4 hour meal and drinking session, the 6 of us stumbled out to the street to wait for a Rickshaw to take us on the bumpy, loud, exhaust-filled 30 minute drive back to Laxman Jhula where we tripped over cow patties and ran from monkies, giggling our pathetically drunk selves back to our rooms. I have really enjoyed working with the other volunteers. I feel very fortunate to have met such great people with whom I feel very connected. Since most of us are leaving to travel, we are all planning to meet up in Jaipur in November for a 3 day dance festival, which is the first of it's kind in India and has been the talk of the town everywhere I've been.

So, the past few days have been bittersweet, spending as much time as I can with the kids (particularly the girls) with whom I've become very close. There is one group of about 6 or 7 girls, all around 11-12 years old, who have become very close to my heart. We spend hours just sitting in my room talking about girl things, painting or knitting, or - my personal favorite passtime of theirs - giving massages! All of the older kids are certified massage therapists, and they LOVE to give massages to all of the volunteers (who of course are very supportive of this activity). I kid you not when I say that I have gotten some of the best massages I've ever had in my life from some of these kids! They do the whole package, starting with your head and neck, all the way to your legs and feet, and they will seriously do this for HOURS! We figured that if they offer to do it, and enjoy it at that, then we can't feel guilty for partaking in child labor.
I have been getting cards and letters from the kids that are some of the most touching (and heartbreaking) I've ever received. Saying things like "please don't ever forget me when you go back to your other life," or "you will always be my sister, and I will see you in my next life because family always meets again" made my heart heavy at the thought of leaving them. However, it made me feel even more confident that I will return once the "regime" of Ramana's has undergone some changes (which it is looking like it will be in the near future). Much like the US, major corporations and organizations, and countries all over the world, the corruption of those at the top only magnifies the needs of those at the bottom. Please don't let the stories of Prabha dissuade you from seeing the needs of these kids.

So...tomorrow I take off for my travels! As I mentioned, I am traveling with another one of the volunteers, and we have pretty much solidified our itinerary. I'm including a very messy map of my route so that you can see where I'll be going. Please forgive the horrible drawing skills, as this computer has limited resources! :)

September 28: we take a train from Rishikesh to Dharamsala/McLeod Ganj where we will spend the first couple of days sightseeing, and then part ways for almost 2 weeks while I do a 10 day Vipassana Meditation course. During this time I will be out of contact, as I am not allowed to speak, write, or leave the premises for the duration of the session.
October 12: I finish my Vipassana at 7am, and we catch an evening train back to Rishikesh where we'll spend one night before leaving for our 9 day trek.
October 14-23: We take off for our 9-day trek to Kuari Pass, where we'll see the famous Nanda Devi peak in the Himalaya mountain range. (Hell ya!)
October 24: We'll most likely head back to Delhi for the night
October 25-29: We fly from Delhi to Kathmandu, where we'll spend 4 days in Nepal before returning to Delhi..not quite sure what to expect just yet!
October 30: We start the "Golden Triangle" route, heading from Delhi to Agra to see the Taj Mahal (supposedly the only real sight to see in Agra).
October 31: We'll spend an un-celebrated Halloween in Jaipur, most likely staying for a day or two, as it's supposed to be an amazing city!
November 3-5: We head to Pushkar to catch the last few days of the famous Pushkar Camel Festival, where musicians, performers, snake-charmers and camel vendors come to celebrate....well....camels, I guess?
November 6-26: We spend most of November exploring the awesome state of Rajasthan. We meet up with some of our volunteer friends back in Jaipur for a couple days of dancing madness in the desert, then to Jailsamer where we take a 3 day camel trek through the desert (yup, that's right...riding camels)! Then we head to Udaipur, named the "Venice of India" to see the famous lake palace. Aside from those few sights, the time spent in-between is pretty much up in the air.
November 27 (ish): Fly from Amhedabad to Kerala, where we'll spend a week or two cruising through the green rivers and swamps.
December: We end our trip together in Goa, where we plan to indulge in every way possible for a few weeks, spending our days on the beach and embracing our dirty-hippie-traveler-ness before I head back to Delhi to catch my flight back to the Western World just in time for Christmas (and possibly a trip down to LA to move out of my apartment and visit everyone)!

So, for now, it's time to say my goodbyes, pack up my backpack, and enjoy my last few hours with the kids and other volunteers. This will be my last email for a couple of weeks, most likely, but I will send another when I return to Rishikesh before leaving for our trek.

To leave you all on a characteristically cheezy note...Last night at Satsong one of the American students in the LeapNow group that is staying with us right now brought his guitar and played several "western" songs to which we all sang along. He ended his "set" with Landslide and made quite a few of us a bit teary. Sitting in this dome, lit only by some lotus flower lanterns the kids had made, with 3 or 4 children sitting in my lap or clutching my arms, hands and legs, I couldn't help but look around and feel overwhelmed by the presence of all these little people who had managed to change my life and open up my heart amid all the challenges of the last month. Going in I feared that my inner-child was not strong enough to open up to all of these kids, and to give them all the love and attention they truly deserved. Just as this thought was crossing my mind, I locked eyes with Naina, the girl with whom I've become exceptionally close, and the boy singing sang the words "Mirror in the sky, what is love? Can the child within my heart rise above?" Naina and I smiled at each other and as she squeezed my hand and layed her head in my lap, I realized that -because of her and all the kids - the child within my heart indeed had.

Much love
Cass