Namaste all...
Well, today is my last day/night at Ramana's Garden. For those of you looking at your calendars in confusion, yes, I am leaving a bit early. This past month has been one of the most challenging and eye-opening, yet equally rewarding, I've known. Living with, and learning from these kids has been one of the most bountiful experiences I've ever had in my life. No expectations could have ever prepared me for how deeply they have touched me, and how much I have learned about myself and my role in this world. To watch these kids live every day with such gratitude, and to face the world and everyone they meet with such open hearts, despite their horrific pasts, has been truly humbling. It has made me realize how closed off so many of us (defintely myself) are to each other and to everything we are SO blessed with.
On the flip side, it has been so disheartening to see so much of the corruption and lack of humanity in the role of Prabha, the woman who founded and claims to run Ramana's Garden. There is so much I could share about the difficulties each of the volunteers and staff have encountered in dealing with her, but those are stories to be told at another time. What she has started here in Rishikesh with Ramana's Garden is something unparalleled anywhere else in India. It is truly a remarkable endeavor, and I respect her immensely for the foundation she has built here. Ramana's is a place where kids can come to have a family, build a foundation for themselves, learn to live independently within their own culture and beliefs, and to hopefully become the kind of adults who are capable and motivated to change India and make it a better place for future generations. I believe whole-heartedly in this mission, and their ability to do so. Unfortunately, though, one person's human struggles (and without question, 30 years of living in and dealing with India), has created a very dark force within the institution that is so powerful that it has driven, and continues to drive, people away from Ramana's Garden.
There is no doubt in my mind that I will return to Ramana's Garden at a later point in my life. Even in these few short weeks, this place, the energy surrounding it, and these incredible people and children have become so much a part of me that I am forever changed. However, all of the volunteers I"ve been working with have collectively decided that being here during this time when Prabha's corruptive and destructive control over us, the children, and the politics and spirituality of Ramana's is too toxic for us to stay here at this time. After a very bizarre series of events (which will remain to be told at a later date) all of us have decided to end our time at Ramana's this week, and go our seperate ways.
On a lighter note....last night all of the volunteers went out for our last dinner together at a restaurant halfway between Rishikesh and Haridwar, appropriately named "Midway" Restaurant. This is the only place in Uttaranchal (the state in which we are) where you can legally buy alcohol. Since none of us had had any kind of alcohol in a month or longer, we managed to get nice and silly pretty quickly, which made for a very entertaining night to say the least! :) (Granted, "nice and silly" was the product of 2 beers, a pathetic claim coming from a former Boulder student and EMI employee). The restaurant was by far the nicest we've been to in India thus far. We all sat at proper tables with actual chairs (we usually sit on the ground) on this huge open lawn under the stars and fireflies (which are often hard to distinguish). I had my first Tikka Masala (my favorite Indian dish which I havent been able to find yet) and naan, along with various appetizers and our favorite dessert called "Hello To The Queen." This is a very popular dessert in India, and it's made of crushed cookies, ice cream, fried bananas and chocolate syrup. It's a feast to be had, although we have all agreed it should instead be named "Hello To The John" since it tends to do a number on the ol' digestive system...
After a 4 hour meal and drinking session, the 6 of us stumbled out to the street to wait for a Rickshaw to take us on the bumpy, loud, exhaust-filled 30 minute drive back to Laxman Jhula where we tripped over cow patties and ran from monkies, giggling our pathetically drunk selves back to our rooms. I have really enjoyed working with the other volunteers. I feel very fortunate to have met such great people with whom I feel very connected. Since most of us are leaving to travel, we are all planning to meet up in Jaipur in November for a 3 day dance festival, which is the first of it's kind in India and has been the talk of the town everywhere I've been.
So, the past few days have been bittersweet, spending as much time as I can with the kids (particularly the girls) with whom I've become very close. There is one group of about 6 or 7 girls, all around 11-12 years old, who have become very close to my heart. We spend hours just sitting in my room talking about girl things, painting or knitting, or - my personal favorite passtime of theirs - giving massages! All of the older kids are certified massage therapists, and they LOVE to give massages to all of the volunteers (who of course are very supportive of this activity). I kid you not when I say that I have gotten some of the best massages I've ever had in my life from some of these kids! They do the whole package, starting with your head and neck, all the way to your legs and feet, and they will seriously do this for HOURS! We figured that if they offer to do it, and enjoy it at that, then we can't feel guilty for partaking in child labor.
I have been getting cards and letters from the kids that are some of the most touching (and heartbreaking) I've ever received. Saying things like "please don't ever forget me when you go back to your other life," or "you will always be my sister, and I will see you in my next life because family always meets again" made my heart heavy at the thought of leaving them. However, it made me feel even more confident that I will return once the "regime" of Ramana's has undergone some changes (which it is looking like it will be in the near future). Much like the US, major corporations and organizations, and countries all over the world, the corruption of those at the top only magnifies the needs of those at the bottom. Please don't let the stories of Prabha dissuade you from seeing the needs of these kids.
So...tomorrow I take off for my travels! As I mentioned, I am traveling with another one of the volunteers, and we have pretty much solidified our itinerary. I'm including a very messy map of my route so that you can see where I'll be going. Please forgive the horrible drawing skills, as this computer has limited resources! :)
September 28: we take a train from Rishikesh to Dharamsala/McLeod Ganj where we will spend the first couple of days sightseeing, and then part ways for almost 2 weeks while I do a 10 day Vipassana Meditation course. During this time I will be out of contact, as I am not allowed to speak, write, or leave the premises for the duration of the session.
October 12: I finish my Vipassana at 7am, and we catch an evening train back to Rishikesh where we'll spend one night before leaving for our 9 day trek.
October 14-23: We take off for our 9-day trek to Kuari Pass, where we'll see the famous Nanda Devi peak in the Himalaya mountain range. (Hell ya!)
October 24: We'll most likely head back to Delhi for the night
October 25-29: We fly from Delhi to Kathmandu, where we'll spend 4 days in Nepal before returning to Delhi..not quite sure what to expect just yet!
October 30: We start the "Golden Triangle" route, heading from Delhi to Agra to see the Taj Mahal (supposedly the only real sight to see in Agra).
October 31: We'll spend an un-celebrated Halloween in Jaipur, most likely staying for a day or two, as it's supposed to be an amazing city!
November 3-5: We head to Pushkar to catch the last few days of the famous Pushkar Camel Festival, where musicians, performers, snake-charmers and camel vendors come to celebrate....well....camels, I guess?
November 6-26: We spend most of November exploring the awesome state of Rajasthan. We meet up with some of our volunteer friends back in Jaipur for a couple days of dancing madness in the desert, then to Jailsamer where we take a 3 day camel trek through the desert (yup, that's right...riding camels)! Then we head to Udaipur, named the "Venice of India" to see the famous lake palace. Aside from those few sights, the time spent in-between is pretty much up in the air.
November 27 (ish): Fly from Amhedabad to Kerala, where we'll spend a week or two cruising through the green rivers and swamps.
December: We end our trip together in Goa, where we plan to indulge in every way possible for a few weeks, spending our days on the beach and embracing our dirty-hippie-traveler-ness before I head back to Delhi to catch my flight back to the Western World just in time for Christmas (and possibly a trip down to LA to move out of my apartment and visit everyone)!
So, for now, it's time to say my goodbyes, pack up my backpack, and enjoy my last few hours with the kids and other volunteers. This will be my last email for a couple of weeks, most likely, but I will send another when I return to Rishikesh before leaving for our trek.
To leave you all on a characteristically cheezy note...Last night at Satsong one of the American students in the LeapNow group that is staying with us right now brought his guitar and played several "western" songs to which we all sang along. He ended his "set" with Landslide and made quite a few of us a bit teary. Sitting in this dome, lit only by some lotus flower lanterns the kids had made, with 3 or 4 children sitting in my lap or clutching my arms, hands and legs, I couldn't help but look around and feel overwhelmed by the presence of all these little people who had managed to change my life and open up my heart amid all the challenges of the last month. Going in I feared that my inner-child was not strong enough to open up to all of these kids, and to give them all the love and attention they truly deserved. Just as this thought was crossing my mind, I locked eyes with Naina, the girl with whom I've become exceptionally close, and the boy singing sang the words "Mirror in the sky, what is love? Can the child within my heart rise above?" Naina and I smiled at each other and as she squeezed my hand and layed her head in my lap, I realized that -because of her and all the kids - the child within my heart indeed had.
Much love
Cass
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Mass Email - Lice, Babies & Travel
Namaste, all!
Well, life in Rishikesh is starting to feel fairly normal these days, in the sense that I feel very used to my surroundings both at Ramana's and around town. I have a pretty standard routine every day, and can now walk through pretty much any part of town and always see familiar faces, which is a very nice feeling. I have been on antibiotics for the past several days kicking a lower-intestinal bug (good times), but am on my last day of treatment and feel much better. The other volunteers and I have been working very hard during the day. The kids had exams last week and all next week, so the schedule has been a bit crazy between tests and trying to get them ready for a huge dance contest they are entering in a week or so.
One of the girls was very sick all last week, and had to be taken into the hospital and treated for a very severe case of neumonia. She had a fever of 104, and was coughing up blood, not eating or drinking, and was so weak that she wet the bed clean through the mattress because she couldnt get up. It was very frustrating, as none of the girls in her room alerted us of this, so we didnt know until the condition had gotten very bad. She just got out of the hospital on Friday, and is doing much better health wise, although mentally she is by far our toughest case.
Her name is Lalita, and she was forced into prostitution at the age of 8 or 9. Her father burned her mother to death (a very common case in India & Nepal) right in front of Lalita, and she was found by a police officer clutching the corpse of her mother before being brough to Ramana's. She is now 14, and just recently started menstruating, and we think this is causing her to have traumatic flashbacks to being raped as a child. Many of the girls have suffered a great deal of sexual assault and/or were sold into prostitution at a very young age. Therefore, when they begin menstruating it can yeild a great deal of stress and traumatic emotions for them.
In addition to this, menstruation has a very negative connotation in India and Nepal for women. Women who are menstruating are not allowed to touch or eat food, walk past temples or holy places, attend any kind of spiritual service, go into Ganga, or even sleep indoors. Surprisingly, these practices are still followed today. When girls at Ramana's are menstruating they do not go to Ganga (where we all go twice a week to bathe the kids and wash their clothes), nor do many of them eat, despite our insisting that they do so.
To help remedy this fear and shame surrounding this very important phase in these girls' lives, we decided to have a "Girls' Night" party tomorrow night for all of the older girls (and a couple who we know will start soon). All the female volunteers went out and bought cookies, soda, candies, henna and nail polish, and we are going to all meet tomorrow night after satsong for a meeting to just talk to the girls about what a positive and celebrated milestone this is for them, and answer any questions they may have about it or about sex (a VERY taboo subject in India). So many of the girls are married off by their parents as young as 13, and are expected to have sex without having ever talked about in any form. Therefore, it is used very much as a form of control and submission by men to exert their power over women. We are trying to keep this from happening to these girls, especially since so many of them already have such severe issues with men after being raped and sexually abused. And because none of these girls have parents, they will not be married off, and will therefore be free to marry out of love.
Another MAJOR problem around the compound this week has been lice. We did a head-check today and about 30 of the kids had very severe cases of lice. We, in America, are used to those puny little white, microscopic lice that are relatively painless. But these lice are INSANE! The lice here in India are actual little black crawling bugs that eat away at your scalp and leave these sores on your head, mostly around your ears and the back of your neck. We went to Ganga today and washed all of the kids with lice shampoo and had to comb them out. We took all of the boys to the barber shop to have their heads shaved, but the girls have them SO badly. I was combing them out of one girl who by far had the worst case of anyone, and we literally counted over 500 gnits combed out of her head. That's not including the ones we didnt get, or the eggs which coated every strand of her hair tenfold. It was horrible. The poor girl has to have her head shaved. Fortunately, I was checked and came out lice free (for now)!
On a lighter note, I have become incredibly close with one of the girls named Naina (pronounced like nine-uh). She's 10, and for some reason I have just fallen in love with her. Whenever she is not in school, she is by my side, and we have become very close. Today she took me to meet her brother, who lives in Devaprayug (about 3 hours away) but who was in town for a few days visiting Naina. He and his wife are having a baby any day now, so I took Naina shopping in Rishikesh to buy her some gifts for the baby and for her sister-in-law. We found some adorable little baby clothes (which Naina picked out), a nice fleece blanket for the baby, and a beautiful Sari for her sister-in-law. In total, everything came to about Rs 500 ($10 USD), which is a fortune for them, but hardly a dent in the wallet for me, so it was so great to be able to help her out. This is something that the volunteers do quite a bit. One of the volunteers, Marc, from Amsterdam, takes 3 kids a week into Rishikesh to buy them new clothes. He has been here for almost a year now, so the kids are very well-dressed because of him.
Finally, I have found a travel partner for the rest of my trip: Raydene, one of the other American volunteers at Ramana's. She's a 45 divorcee who is living out her mid-life crisis, and is therefore a very fun counterpart, as she's up for everything! She just got her nose peirced in Rishikesh the other day, is dying her hair red tomorrow, and is now talking about getting a tattoo. She seems to be loving her freedom (despite the circumstances), and we all get a kick out of her ambition to rebel! Needless to say, we support her 100%. Our travels begin Thursday, and I am very much looking forward to finally seeing more of India. Since this email is quite long, I'll explain my travel itinerary before I leave, as I will be out of contact for a few weeks once I do.
I hope everyone at home is well. I think about you all quite a bit, and can't wait to share these stories with you in person.
Stay well and keep in touch!
Much Love
Cass
Well, life in Rishikesh is starting to feel fairly normal these days, in the sense that I feel very used to my surroundings both at Ramana's and around town. I have a pretty standard routine every day, and can now walk through pretty much any part of town and always see familiar faces, which is a very nice feeling. I have been on antibiotics for the past several days kicking a lower-intestinal bug (good times), but am on my last day of treatment and feel much better. The other volunteers and I have been working very hard during the day. The kids had exams last week and all next week, so the schedule has been a bit crazy between tests and trying to get them ready for a huge dance contest they are entering in a week or so.
One of the girls was very sick all last week, and had to be taken into the hospital and treated for a very severe case of neumonia. She had a fever of 104, and was coughing up blood, not eating or drinking, and was so weak that she wet the bed clean through the mattress because she couldnt get up. It was very frustrating, as none of the girls in her room alerted us of this, so we didnt know until the condition had gotten very bad. She just got out of the hospital on Friday, and is doing much better health wise, although mentally she is by far our toughest case.
Her name is Lalita, and she was forced into prostitution at the age of 8 or 9. Her father burned her mother to death (a very common case in India & Nepal) right in front of Lalita, and she was found by a police officer clutching the corpse of her mother before being brough to Ramana's. She is now 14, and just recently started menstruating, and we think this is causing her to have traumatic flashbacks to being raped as a child. Many of the girls have suffered a great deal of sexual assault and/or were sold into prostitution at a very young age. Therefore, when they begin menstruating it can yeild a great deal of stress and traumatic emotions for them.
In addition to this, menstruation has a very negative connotation in India and Nepal for women. Women who are menstruating are not allowed to touch or eat food, walk past temples or holy places, attend any kind of spiritual service, go into Ganga, or even sleep indoors. Surprisingly, these practices are still followed today. When girls at Ramana's are menstruating they do not go to Ganga (where we all go twice a week to bathe the kids and wash their clothes), nor do many of them eat, despite our insisting that they do so.
To help remedy this fear and shame surrounding this very important phase in these girls' lives, we decided to have a "Girls' Night" party tomorrow night for all of the older girls (and a couple who we know will start soon). All the female volunteers went out and bought cookies, soda, candies, henna and nail polish, and we are going to all meet tomorrow night after satsong for a meeting to just talk to the girls about what a positive and celebrated milestone this is for them, and answer any questions they may have about it or about sex (a VERY taboo subject in India). So many of the girls are married off by their parents as young as 13, and are expected to have sex without having ever talked about in any form. Therefore, it is used very much as a form of control and submission by men to exert their power over women. We are trying to keep this from happening to these girls, especially since so many of them already have such severe issues with men after being raped and sexually abused. And because none of these girls have parents, they will not be married off, and will therefore be free to marry out of love.
Another MAJOR problem around the compound this week has been lice. We did a head-check today and about 30 of the kids had very severe cases of lice. We, in America, are used to those puny little white, microscopic lice that are relatively painless. But these lice are INSANE! The lice here in India are actual little black crawling bugs that eat away at your scalp and leave these sores on your head, mostly around your ears and the back of your neck. We went to Ganga today and washed all of the kids with lice shampoo and had to comb them out. We took all of the boys to the barber shop to have their heads shaved, but the girls have them SO badly. I was combing them out of one girl who by far had the worst case of anyone, and we literally counted over 500 gnits combed out of her head. That's not including the ones we didnt get, or the eggs which coated every strand of her hair tenfold. It was horrible. The poor girl has to have her head shaved. Fortunately, I was checked and came out lice free (for now)!
On a lighter note, I have become incredibly close with one of the girls named Naina (pronounced like nine-uh). She's 10, and for some reason I have just fallen in love with her. Whenever she is not in school, she is by my side, and we have become very close. Today she took me to meet her brother, who lives in Devaprayug (about 3 hours away) but who was in town for a few days visiting Naina. He and his wife are having a baby any day now, so I took Naina shopping in Rishikesh to buy her some gifts for the baby and for her sister-in-law. We found some adorable little baby clothes (which Naina picked out), a nice fleece blanket for the baby, and a beautiful Sari for her sister-in-law. In total, everything came to about Rs 500 ($10 USD), which is a fortune for them, but hardly a dent in the wallet for me, so it was so great to be able to help her out. This is something that the volunteers do quite a bit. One of the volunteers, Marc, from Amsterdam, takes 3 kids a week into Rishikesh to buy them new clothes. He has been here for almost a year now, so the kids are very well-dressed because of him.
Finally, I have found a travel partner for the rest of my trip: Raydene, one of the other American volunteers at Ramana's. She's a 45 divorcee who is living out her mid-life crisis, and is therefore a very fun counterpart, as she's up for everything! She just got her nose peirced in Rishikesh the other day, is dying her hair red tomorrow, and is now talking about getting a tattoo. She seems to be loving her freedom (despite the circumstances), and we all get a kick out of her ambition to rebel! Needless to say, we support her 100%. Our travels begin Thursday, and I am very much looking forward to finally seeing more of India. Since this email is quite long, I'll explain my travel itinerary before I leave, as I will be out of contact for a few weeks once I do.
I hope everyone at home is well. I think about you all quite a bit, and can't wait to share these stories with you in person.
Stay well and keep in touch!
Much Love
Cass
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Mass Email - Something YOU can Do
Hello All...
As I had mentioned to some of you in previous emails, we are hoping to find a trained psychologist to come live and work at Ramana's Garden in order to provide some of the kids with the one-on-one counseling and support they desperately need. We are offering a 6 month minimum volunteer position to any FEMALE psychologist (because some of the girls suffered severe sexual abuse) to come live and work on the compound here in Rishikesh , India . All room & board accomodations and all meals will be provided free of charge, and a small stipend will be paid at the completion of service.
We are more than willing to accept anyone working toward a doctorate or masters in Psychology (or similar field), and will gladly allow the experience to be used for any credits needed for their degree.
SO...what I'd like to ask of all of you: PLEASE forward this on to everyone you know, specifically anyone who you think may be interested or of help in finding someone for this position. I know some of you are attending or have worked at Psychology schools, so if you could forward this to any contacts you may have within the staff at those schools, that would be a huge help! Forward to your therapists, your friends, your family, your colleagues....ANYONE! This is going to have to be a very grassroots opperation, but I'm sure that will all of your help we will be able to find someone qualified to help these remarkable kids.
Please send the attached flyer to all of your contacts, or post it in your office/school/neighborhood/etc.
Thanks so much in advance for all of your help and support.
*and special thanks to Tom B for making the awesome flyer!
Kind Regards,
Cassie Tregellas
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Mass Email - On a Lighter Note...
Namaste again (to those of you who asked, Namaste is the Hindi word used for hello as well as goodbye. Literally, it is translated as "From my soul to yours." VERY Indian!)
I realize I have been writing quite frequently, and I apologize to those of you who dread my long emails (wong!), but I was so overwhelmed by the responses from all of you about the last email. So much of what you all said was so insightful, and truly helped me affirm my values and beliefs surrounding this experience here in India. It really means the world to me to have all of your support, or even contact, and I feel so lucky to have such extraordinary people in my life such as yourselves.
Last night all of the volunteers went out after Satsong to have some food and talk about some of our frustrations and concerns. It was comforting to know that we all shared the same perspective on the situation. Some of the volunteers who have been at Ramana's for many months now shared some other concerning stories. We talked for quite a while, and at the end we all agreed on one thing: that the only way we could all prevail and continue giving all of ourselves to this is to continue focusing on the kids.
Fortunately, the day's events seemed to fuel us all, as this morning we were all busy devising new plans to directly help the kids (while somewhat bypassing Prabha's involvement). All of the volunteers are so creative and compassionate. It is quite humbling to be working with such amazing people.
The issue that stood out the most to me was that the children have never received any kind of consistent, PROFESSIONAL psychological and emotional support (outside of the passing volunteers). I am currently working on a VERY grassroots plan to get a full-time, live-in professional psychologist to come work with the kids. Stay tuned, as I will definitely need ALL of your help when everything is in order....
On a lighter note, last night a few of us went to go see a documentary screening put on by a college student from Mumbai on the water crisis in Gujarat. Very abridged synopsis: dams are being built (by state and now federal governemnt) along the river in Gujarat to supposedly "fix" the drought problem that has accumulated over many decades (which could have been handled when the problem arose 30 years ago). They claim that these dams will provide electricity and water supply to the large, urban areas in the state. However, as a result, millions.....yup, MILLIONS, of rural farmers (who's very existence relies on living by the river to irrigate their crops which are their only source of monetary support) have been flooded out of their land. 98% of the animals (both domestic and wild) were killed because of this displacement. The governement promised these people replacement land, but most never received the land, OR were given land a fraction of the size of their original property that is not fertile. As a result, these people have lost their homes, their means of survival, their crops, their land, their animals, and their culture, all so the government could put a band aid on a bursting problem that was never addressed at the source. AND the worst part of it, is that the dams are only capable of providing electricity to 2% of the people in the effected areas, and water to only 5%.
It was a very well done, and powerful movie. It was touching to see that conservationists exist everywhere in the world, and brought a feeling of connection to the people of India to see them protesting and fighting for their rights when I know so many of us in the states feel the frustration of not being seen or heard by our governemnt.
On an even lighter note....some funny little Indian antecdotes I thought I'd share with you beacuse they have been a major source of our humor and entertainment:
Even though all of the kids and most of the staff at Ramana's speak English pretty well, they have their own kind of dialect that is quickly rubbing off on all of us volunteers. Apparently, none of them know any form of tense, so every verb they say ends in "-ing," usually following the very popular Indian-English phrase "very much."
Example: every day when we give kids medicine, they point to a body part and say "very much paining!" When it is raining outside (which it has been quite often) they say "very much raining!" We have all taken on this dialect, and find ourselves cracking up every night when we all go out and sit around speaking English to one another saying things like "I am very much hungry."
Another popular Indian-English phrase is "Same, same but different." I am still figuring this one out, as it's used in many contexts. I actually saw a T-shirt at one of the local shops with the phrase written on it.
Anyway, it seems that the struggles we face here only drive us to do even more for these awesome kids. (I called one of them "awesome" the other day and the whole class was rolling on the floor laughing "You very much funny, Cassi-ji. VEEEERY much funny!" Easy crowd, I guess.
Also, I will hopefully have some pictures up soon. We have to buy discs to put them on and then upload from the internet cafe's, so it may take a while, but I will definitely have some up soon.
Thanks again to all of you for writing. I hope you are all well, and I'll be in touch.
VERY MUCH loving!
Cass
I realize I have been writing quite frequently, and I apologize to those of you who dread my long emails (wong!), but I was so overwhelmed by the responses from all of you about the last email. So much of what you all said was so insightful, and truly helped me affirm my values and beliefs surrounding this experience here in India. It really means the world to me to have all of your support, or even contact, and I feel so lucky to have such extraordinary people in my life such as yourselves.
Last night all of the volunteers went out after Satsong to have some food and talk about some of our frustrations and concerns. It was comforting to know that we all shared the same perspective on the situation. Some of the volunteers who have been at Ramana's for many months now shared some other concerning stories. We talked for quite a while, and at the end we all agreed on one thing: that the only way we could all prevail and continue giving all of ourselves to this is to continue focusing on the kids.
Fortunately, the day's events seemed to fuel us all, as this morning we were all busy devising new plans to directly help the kids (while somewhat bypassing Prabha's involvement). All of the volunteers are so creative and compassionate. It is quite humbling to be working with such amazing people.
The issue that stood out the most to me was that the children have never received any kind of consistent, PROFESSIONAL psychological and emotional support (outside of the passing volunteers). I am currently working on a VERY grassroots plan to get a full-time, live-in professional psychologist to come work with the kids. Stay tuned, as I will definitely need ALL of your help when everything is in order....
On a lighter note, last night a few of us went to go see a documentary screening put on by a college student from Mumbai on the water crisis in Gujarat. Very abridged synopsis: dams are being built (by state and now federal governemnt) along the river in Gujarat to supposedly "fix" the drought problem that has accumulated over many decades (which could have been handled when the problem arose 30 years ago). They claim that these dams will provide electricity and water supply to the large, urban areas in the state. However, as a result, millions.....yup, MILLIONS, of rural farmers (who's very existence relies on living by the river to irrigate their crops which are their only source of monetary support) have been flooded out of their land. 98% of the animals (both domestic and wild) were killed because of this displacement. The governement promised these people replacement land, but most never received the land, OR were given land a fraction of the size of their original property that is not fertile. As a result, these people have lost their homes, their means of survival, their crops, their land, their animals, and their culture, all so the government could put a band aid on a bursting problem that was never addressed at the source. AND the worst part of it, is that the dams are only capable of providing electricity to 2% of the people in the effected areas, and water to only 5%.
It was a very well done, and powerful movie. It was touching to see that conservationists exist everywhere in the world, and brought a feeling of connection to the people of India to see them protesting and fighting for their rights when I know so many of us in the states feel the frustration of not being seen or heard by our governemnt.
On an even lighter note....some funny little Indian antecdotes I thought I'd share with you beacuse they have been a major source of our humor and entertainment:
Even though all of the kids and most of the staff at Ramana's speak English pretty well, they have their own kind of dialect that is quickly rubbing off on all of us volunteers. Apparently, none of them know any form of tense, so every verb they say ends in "-ing," usually following the very popular Indian-English phrase "very much."
Example: every day when we give kids medicine, they point to a body part and say "very much paining!" When it is raining outside (which it has been quite often) they say "very much raining!" We have all taken on this dialect, and find ourselves cracking up every night when we all go out and sit around speaking English to one another saying things like "I am very much hungry."
Another popular Indian-English phrase is "Same, same but different." I am still figuring this one out, as it's used in many contexts. I actually saw a T-shirt at one of the local shops with the phrase written on it.
Anyway, it seems that the struggles we face here only drive us to do even more for these awesome kids. (I called one of them "awesome" the other day and the whole class was rolling on the floor laughing "You very much funny, Cassi-ji. VEEEERY much funny!" Easy crowd, I guess.
Also, I will hopefully have some pictures up soon. We have to buy discs to put them on and then upload from the internet cafe's, so it may take a while, but I will definitely have some up soon.
Thanks again to all of you for writing. I hope you are all well, and I'll be in touch.
VERY MUCH loving!
Cass
Mass Email - The Honeymoon is Over
Namaste all..
Well, it has been almost 2 weeks since my arrival in India and my stay at Ramana's Garden, and while I am still very much loving being in India and dealing with the day to day challenges, the honeymoon is definitely over.
I have only been to this one town in India (which is an amazing area that I still have yet to fully explore), but in dealing with the goings-on at the orphanage, the "Indian Way" is starting to become more of a clear picture to me. People in India live in total and complete chaos. There is no structure to anything, and if there seems to be, it is only a facade masking the chaotic underbelly. I have found this increasingly frustrating, particularly at the orphanage, since my reason for volunteering was to help the kids. The kids are absolutely remarkable. You forget that all of them have these haunting pasts that brought them to Ramana's....
....4 year olds whose parents were killed in a car accident, who were then left alone on the streets where they were beaten by other children and adults, causing them to lose an eye or a hand....8 year olds who held onto their mother's hand as she was being burned to death right in front of their eyes by their father who then shot himself in the head...9 year old child-prostitutes found raped almost to the point of death on a train and brought to Ramana's by a traveler...
It's mind-numbing to think about. And yet, these kids seem - at first glance - to be just the same as any other child living anywhere else in the world. They love to swing and play ball. They fight over toys and love to make bracelets and braid your hair. They laugh, they talk in class, they wet the bed, they cry when they stub their toe, and -like all children - all they want is to be loved.
However, there is a bigger picture to the orphanage that makes it so frustrating to deal with on a day to day basis. Prabha, the woman who started the orphanage, is quite an ordeal in her own right. She is, I'm guessing, in her late 50's. She was born in Colorado where she lived in a cave with her very poor mother until she ran away from home at a young age and fled to Hollywood. There she was a prostitute to support herself while she became, as she says "A well-known hollywood actress." (I've never heard of her). In the 60's, during the hippie craze where people fled to India to live in Ashrams, she came and studied under a guru named Ramana who gave her the name Prabha (which means light) and told her to go to the banks of Ganga (The Ganges) and to feed the children. Long story short, this was the origin of Ramana's Garden (or at least according to her), and she has been expanding this orphanage and school for almost 13 years. It's a triumphant story and cause, but it is very clear that spending 20 years living in India, 13 of which living in an orphanage with 60 orphans, has driven her a bit mad. She is extremely unpredictable, her emotions ranging from almost sedated and calm to terrifying and screaming at anyone or anything that crosses her path. SHe's very emotionally unstable, and not at all a positive figure in the lives of the children. She is very rarely at the orphanage, and when she is she is either screaming at the children or the volunteers or taking one of her many lovers (even though she is married - to an Indian man living in the states). She does not DO anything at the orphanage. The volunteers literally run the place entirely, and serve as the only emotional support for the kids, which is truly tragic since no volunteer has ever stayed longer than a year, most for only a couple months.
Yesterday, Prahba returned from one of her little vacations and was on a rampage. Her house had flooded during the rains, and I happened to be in her path when she noticed this. Immediately, she yelled at me "how could a grown adult such as yourself allow this to happen?!" I tried not to laugh at such a ridiculous question. I said "Prahba, I've never stepped foot inside your house (it's strictly off limits). How would I know that had happened?" to which she replied "I dont know but I want you to scrub up all the water in my bathroom (her pipes had burst and sewage was leaking everywhere) IMMEDIATELY!" I very politely (or at least as politely as I could manage) told her that I didn't pay $650 to scrub her bathroom, I came to help the kids, and walked away before I took it upon myself to hit her for being such a monster. Later that night one of the girls (the one who was a prostitute found on a train) had a seizure (a symptom of her Post-Traumatic-Stress Disorder). We were upstairs calming her down, when Prahba storms in and yells at her, telling her to stop acting like such a dramatic child. She grabbed her by the arm and told her to stop faking it or she was going to be kicked out on the streets. It's maddening.
Even the teachers rely entirely - too much so - on the volunteers, and act a bit like children themselves at times. If they do not have something they need, they come to us asking for it, when they could simply go into the closet and take out the needed materials. But, if something is broken, such as a desk or a window, they leave it for months before one of the volunteers notices and fixes it.
I started my computer classes this week. I had met with all of the teachers last week to discuss a schedule that worked for them, and I had written out a schedule for each individual teacher telling them what times their classes had computers. Both yesterday and today no kids showed up, and i had to go into the classrooms to remind the teachers about Computer class.
So, I suppose the reality of this country is hitting me pretty hard. Like I said, I wouldnt want to be anywhere else, but it makes staying at the orphanage very difficult. I struggle with wanting to just leave and begin my travels, but thinking about the kids being here and dealing with this crap every single day of their lives makes me feel guilty and deeply saddened, and is literally the ONLY thing keeping me here. 3 of the other volunteers left today after Prahba's outburst last night. It was seriously the most disturbing thing I've seen in India so far. I came here with hope in my heart that such people existed that would sacrifice the comforts of western life to open an orphanage for these kids who need help more than anyone I've ever encountered, and to come here to see what a monster she is...or at least has become....is truly disheartening. I'm not sure what I will do, but I told myself I need to stick it out as long as I can bear. I feel obligated to fulfill this committment both for the children and for myself.
So, for those of you who pray, please pray for these kids. Pray for Prahba, that she may find a way to live that does not ruin everything she has built here, which has the potential to be something extraordinary in this country of madness. Pray that these kids remain on a straight path and get the kind of emotional support that they need to not only survive, but function as happy, healthy human beings. And those of you who do not pray, keep them in your hearts. They can use all the love they can get.
Namaste,
Cass
Well, it has been almost 2 weeks since my arrival in India and my stay at Ramana's Garden, and while I am still very much loving being in India and dealing with the day to day challenges, the honeymoon is definitely over.
I have only been to this one town in India (which is an amazing area that I still have yet to fully explore), but in dealing with the goings-on at the orphanage, the "Indian Way" is starting to become more of a clear picture to me. People in India live in total and complete chaos. There is no structure to anything, and if there seems to be, it is only a facade masking the chaotic underbelly. I have found this increasingly frustrating, particularly at the orphanage, since my reason for volunteering was to help the kids. The kids are absolutely remarkable. You forget that all of them have these haunting pasts that brought them to Ramana's....
....4 year olds whose parents were killed in a car accident, who were then left alone on the streets where they were beaten by other children and adults, causing them to lose an eye or a hand....8 year olds who held onto their mother's hand as she was being burned to death right in front of their eyes by their father who then shot himself in the head...9 year old child-prostitutes found raped almost to the point of death on a train and brought to Ramana's by a traveler...
It's mind-numbing to think about. And yet, these kids seem - at first glance - to be just the same as any other child living anywhere else in the world. They love to swing and play ball. They fight over toys and love to make bracelets and braid your hair. They laugh, they talk in class, they wet the bed, they cry when they stub their toe, and -like all children - all they want is to be loved.
However, there is a bigger picture to the orphanage that makes it so frustrating to deal with on a day to day basis. Prabha, the woman who started the orphanage, is quite an ordeal in her own right. She is, I'm guessing, in her late 50's. She was born in Colorado where she lived in a cave with her very poor mother until she ran away from home at a young age and fled to Hollywood. There she was a prostitute to support herself while she became, as she says "A well-known hollywood actress." (I've never heard of her). In the 60's, during the hippie craze where people fled to India to live in Ashrams, she came and studied under a guru named Ramana who gave her the name Prabha (which means light) and told her to go to the banks of Ganga (The Ganges) and to feed the children. Long story short, this was the origin of Ramana's Garden (or at least according to her), and she has been expanding this orphanage and school for almost 13 years. It's a triumphant story and cause, but it is very clear that spending 20 years living in India, 13 of which living in an orphanage with 60 orphans, has driven her a bit mad. She is extremely unpredictable, her emotions ranging from almost sedated and calm to terrifying and screaming at anyone or anything that crosses her path. SHe's very emotionally unstable, and not at all a positive figure in the lives of the children. She is very rarely at the orphanage, and when she is she is either screaming at the children or the volunteers or taking one of her many lovers (even though she is married - to an Indian man living in the states). She does not DO anything at the orphanage. The volunteers literally run the place entirely, and serve as the only emotional support for the kids, which is truly tragic since no volunteer has ever stayed longer than a year, most for only a couple months.
Yesterday, Prahba returned from one of her little vacations and was on a rampage. Her house had flooded during the rains, and I happened to be in her path when she noticed this. Immediately, she yelled at me "how could a grown adult such as yourself allow this to happen?!" I tried not to laugh at such a ridiculous question. I said "Prahba, I've never stepped foot inside your house (it's strictly off limits). How would I know that had happened?" to which she replied "I dont know but I want you to scrub up all the water in my bathroom (her pipes had burst and sewage was leaking everywhere) IMMEDIATELY!" I very politely (or at least as politely as I could manage) told her that I didn't pay $650 to scrub her bathroom, I came to help the kids, and walked away before I took it upon myself to hit her for being such a monster. Later that night one of the girls (the one who was a prostitute found on a train) had a seizure (a symptom of her Post-Traumatic-Stress Disorder). We were upstairs calming her down, when Prahba storms in and yells at her, telling her to stop acting like such a dramatic child. She grabbed her by the arm and told her to stop faking it or she was going to be kicked out on the streets. It's maddening.
Even the teachers rely entirely - too much so - on the volunteers, and act a bit like children themselves at times. If they do not have something they need, they come to us asking for it, when they could simply go into the closet and take out the needed materials. But, if something is broken, such as a desk or a window, they leave it for months before one of the volunteers notices and fixes it.
I started my computer classes this week. I had met with all of the teachers last week to discuss a schedule that worked for them, and I had written out a schedule for each individual teacher telling them what times their classes had computers. Both yesterday and today no kids showed up, and i had to go into the classrooms to remind the teachers about Computer class.
So, I suppose the reality of this country is hitting me pretty hard. Like I said, I wouldnt want to be anywhere else, but it makes staying at the orphanage very difficult. I struggle with wanting to just leave and begin my travels, but thinking about the kids being here and dealing with this crap every single day of their lives makes me feel guilty and deeply saddened, and is literally the ONLY thing keeping me here. 3 of the other volunteers left today after Prahba's outburst last night. It was seriously the most disturbing thing I've seen in India so far. I came here with hope in my heart that such people existed that would sacrifice the comforts of western life to open an orphanage for these kids who need help more than anyone I've ever encountered, and to come here to see what a monster she is...or at least has become....is truly disheartening. I'm not sure what I will do, but I told myself I need to stick it out as long as I can bear. I feel obligated to fulfill this committment both for the children and for myself.
So, for those of you who pray, please pray for these kids. Pray for Prahba, that she may find a way to live that does not ruin everything she has built here, which has the potential to be something extraordinary in this country of madness. Pray that these kids remain on a straight path and get the kind of emotional support that they need to not only survive, but function as happy, healthy human beings. And those of you who do not pray, keep them in your hearts. They can use all the love they can get.
Namaste,
Cass
Friday, September 8, 2006
Mass Email - Monsoon Madness
Hey all...
Today I witnessed rain like I've never experienced before. Even though its been insanely hot the past several days, we're still technically at the end of Monsoon season. This morning, bright and early...actually it wasn't bright, but dark rather, I was awakened by this enormous rumble and shaking, and the sound of things falling off my shelves. At first I thought it was an earthquake, but when I came to and looked outside to see literally - I kid you not - a SHEET of water pouring over all of my windows, I realized the sound was thunder. The rain was literally pouring out of the sky...no little droplets or even globs of water...it was literally like one giant waterfall coming from the clouds. The wind was so powerful, too, that it broke a couple of my window panels, and the lightning so intense, you could feel it on the back of your neck. It was fantastic! The grounds of the compound were so flooded, we couldn't even leave our rooms unil noon. It looked like The Ganges was flowing right through Ramana's Garden! The kids were excited because we had to cancel school since none of the teachers or outside kids could make it in, so we all got to stay in bed until noon. One of the older kids had left his guitar in my room, so it was a great chance to play a little music, which I hadn't done in a while...even though the strings are horrible and practically impossible to tune. It was also a great opportunity to rest a bit, as I was officially initiated into the Delhi-belly club last night with a nasty stomache bug. Fortunately, we have this Chinese remedy that clears it up in about a half hour.
Last night all of the volunteers went out for dinner in Laxman Juhla at a place called the Moonlight Cafe. Apparently a lot of westerners go there, as they are the only place in town who serve real Tofu (which is why we wanted to go there, all of us being vegetarians who had been eating nothing but daal for protein). It was great fun, as we have a good group of people: There's Maggie, the other American girl (19) from Jersey, Liz & Jared, and Aussie couple (he's a DJ and she's a nanny) both very cool hippie folks...then Marc, from Amsterdam (he wears chords and vans every single day, even if it's 100 degrees outside)...Raydene is a 40-something woman from Boston who just got divorced and sold everything she owned to travel around the world "forever" as she says, and we had a young Indian girl from Bombay, Regita, visiting us who came along. It was great to get everyone together and let loose a bit (athough it's hard to let TOO loose, as alcohol is practically impossible to find around here). We had this dessert called "Hello to the Queen" which was amazing...I dont even know what was in it, but I think it was deep fried bananas, ice cream, chocolate sauce, and something that looked and tasted like cake batter at the bottom...the Queen served us well for sure.
Anyway, I'll try to keep it short. I had to get out into town before the rain came again, and so I could check on a room in town to see if I might move in. I am still working on getting pictures up, so bare with me.
Thanks to all of you who have been keeping in touch. It's always great to hear from you all and hear what you're up to. Also, let me know if you want anything specific...everything is so cheap here, I"ve already started gift-shopping.
I hope you are all well. Do me a favor and take a nice hot shower for me so I can live vicariously through you all (we dont have hot water here).
Peace y'all
Cass
Today I witnessed rain like I've never experienced before. Even though its been insanely hot the past several days, we're still technically at the end of Monsoon season. This morning, bright and early...actually it wasn't bright, but dark rather, I was awakened by this enormous rumble and shaking, and the sound of things falling off my shelves. At first I thought it was an earthquake, but when I came to and looked outside to see literally - I kid you not - a SHEET of water pouring over all of my windows, I realized the sound was thunder. The rain was literally pouring out of the sky...no little droplets or even globs of water...it was literally like one giant waterfall coming from the clouds. The wind was so powerful, too, that it broke a couple of my window panels, and the lightning so intense, you could feel it on the back of your neck. It was fantastic! The grounds of the compound were so flooded, we couldn't even leave our rooms unil noon. It looked like The Ganges was flowing right through Ramana's Garden! The kids were excited because we had to cancel school since none of the teachers or outside kids could make it in, so we all got to stay in bed until noon. One of the older kids had left his guitar in my room, so it was a great chance to play a little music, which I hadn't done in a while...even though the strings are horrible and practically impossible to tune. It was also a great opportunity to rest a bit, as I was officially initiated into the Delhi-belly club last night with a nasty stomache bug. Fortunately, we have this Chinese remedy that clears it up in about a half hour.
Last night all of the volunteers went out for dinner in Laxman Juhla at a place called the Moonlight Cafe. Apparently a lot of westerners go there, as they are the only place in town who serve real Tofu (which is why we wanted to go there, all of us being vegetarians who had been eating nothing but daal for protein). It was great fun, as we have a good group of people: There's Maggie, the other American girl (19) from Jersey, Liz & Jared, and Aussie couple (he's a DJ and she's a nanny) both very cool hippie folks...then Marc, from Amsterdam (he wears chords and vans every single day, even if it's 100 degrees outside)...Raydene is a 40-something woman from Boston who just got divorced and sold everything she owned to travel around the world "forever" as she says, and we had a young Indian girl from Bombay, Regita, visiting us who came along. It was great to get everyone together and let loose a bit (athough it's hard to let TOO loose, as alcohol is practically impossible to find around here). We had this dessert called "Hello to the Queen" which was amazing...I dont even know what was in it, but I think it was deep fried bananas, ice cream, chocolate sauce, and something that looked and tasted like cake batter at the bottom...the Queen served us well for sure.
Anyway, I'll try to keep it short. I had to get out into town before the rain came again, and so I could check on a room in town to see if I might move in. I am still working on getting pictures up, so bare with me.
Thanks to all of you who have been keeping in touch. It's always great to hear from you all and hear what you're up to. Also, let me know if you want anything specific...everything is so cheap here, I"ve already started gift-shopping.
I hope you are all well. Do me a favor and take a nice hot shower for me so I can live vicariously through you all (we dont have hot water here).
Peace y'all
Cass
Wednesday, September 6, 2006
Journal Entry 9/6/06
Well, days like today, I suppose, are made to lift one out of a slump and give some perspective. After worrying and meditating on not feeling like I had a purpose here, as well as wanting to get out more and meet more people, I feel as though today was a step forward. This morning the 1st Class teacher was out, so Raydene and I had to teach all morning - English, Science and math. While the kids are all adorable, they were just a terror to teach - talking, hitting, running all over the place...It was by far the most challenging thing I've done so far here, but that made it so much more rewarding. It was so great to get to know the kids a bit better as well.
Then, I basically took the rest of the afternoon off to read - finished my 2nd book and did some Lonely Planet research for my travels. Then I walked into Laxman Julha by myself for the first time to go check my email. I know my way around pretty well now, and every time I go out I see someone I know (mostly volunteers @ Ramana's as well as the internet cafe owners who are very nice). I ran into Jared (Jared and Liz are a young, very cool Aussie couple volunteering at Ramana's) and talked to them a bit about their travels. Then I stopped in to the German Bakery (another regular place now) for a water and a cinnamon roll, and ran into another volunteer, Tanya. I ended up running into Liz and Marc, 2 other volunteers, who asked me to join them for dinner. it was great to get out and to get to know some of the other volunteers a bit better. All are very cool people whom i'd like to know better for sure.
Tonight, after Satsang, Maggie and I made tea in the kitchen (which has become our nightly routine), and a bunch of the kids were in the kitchen with us. We all danced and sang and had a great time with the kids. I feel like I'm starting to slowly adjust. I haven't even been here a week yet, but it feels like so much longer. My first DAY felt like a week! It's so hard to imagine that a week ago I was in Marin, living a completely different life. I definitely feel worlds away....I love it.
Then, I basically took the rest of the afternoon off to read - finished my 2nd book and did some Lonely Planet research for my travels. Then I walked into Laxman Julha by myself for the first time to go check my email. I know my way around pretty well now, and every time I go out I see someone I know (mostly volunteers @ Ramana's as well as the internet cafe owners who are very nice). I ran into Jared (Jared and Liz are a young, very cool Aussie couple volunteering at Ramana's) and talked to them a bit about their travels. Then I stopped in to the German Bakery (another regular place now) for a water and a cinnamon roll, and ran into another volunteer, Tanya. I ended up running into Liz and Marc, 2 other volunteers, who asked me to join them for dinner. it was great to get out and to get to know some of the other volunteers a bit better. All are very cool people whom i'd like to know better for sure.
Tonight, after Satsang, Maggie and I made tea in the kitchen (which has become our nightly routine), and a bunch of the kids were in the kitchen with us. We all danced and sang and had a great time with the kids. I feel like I'm starting to slowly adjust. I haven't even been here a week yet, but it feels like so much longer. My first DAY felt like a week! It's so hard to imagine that a week ago I was in Marin, living a completely different life. I definitely feel worlds away....I love it.
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