hello all!
please forgive the bad typing. some of the keys on this keyboard dont work. :)
i am definitely starting to settle in more at the orphanage, getting to know the kids and staff and figure out exactly where i fit in here as far as responsibility. it has been a bit challenging because i feel a bit out of my comfort zone, having never worked with kids under the age of 15 or so, but I've been meditating on it quite a bit (ya, people do that here) and decided I need to just find a way to help that is genuine and true to who i am. I am not capable of doing EVERYTHING as a few of the volunteers do. some are just so committed and so in their element with the kids. it's very inspiring, as well as a bit frustrating to not feel the same passion for it (my hearstrings tend to be pulled a bit more by injured cows in the streets and illegal deforestation going on in the surrounding mountains) but I'm learning to accept that my calling and my real passions are elsewhere, but that it is still very important for me to stay committed to my obligation here as best i can.
that said, i am anxious to start teaching my computer class next week. i will be teaching mon - sat, teaching classes (grades) 2 - 6. i think it will help a lot to have a set schedule and a specific role with the children, and it will also help me to get to know them all better and on a new level. the children are amazing, and spending time with them really does make me understand why I am here...especially at Satsong (our nightly prayer gathering) where they all race to pile in our laps and hold our hands while we sing hindi songs. the songs (which are prayers) are really beautiful, and the words that I've caught are very profound compared to many western religious prayers (in my opinion). Things like "you and i are one" and another song which names all of the major religious figures in all world religions and then says "I am [Buddha/Jesus/etc], and I am you." At the end of each satsong they sing this really beautiful chant wishing for world peace. i'm going to have one of the kids write it out for me and translate so i can send it. it would be a good one to share with students/friends/children back home.
Anyhow, other than that, i have been moved into a new room because i have gotten very badly bitten by mosquitos, and the new room has closed windows and doors. It has kind of become the running joke aorund the compound, as i'm the only person who has gotten bit, and i am literally covered from head to toe in massive bites. i've tried every kind of deet product, including one that I sprayed on all my clothes and my sheets, but nothing has worked. i took pictures of all my bites, but wont send them (like i said...ALL over)! Although i do have some pictures I'm sending for you to get a sense of the place. the internet here is very slow, so i can only send a few. I'll try to upload more onto my ofoto account and send them out. these 2 are of a couple of the kids swinging, and one of me and some kids at ganga (the ganges, where they bathe and wash clothes).
Also, just to put it out there, Ramana's garden can use as much help as possible. If any of you would like to send donations of clothes (we need warm clothes for winter), toys, books or medicine (lice shampoo is greatly needed), or if you would like to help set up a sponsorship/donation matching program through your company (um EMI, come on people!) or school that would also be fantastic. for donations, you can send via DHL only to the following address:
Dr. Prabhavati
Ramana's Garden
Tapovan Uttaranchal
249192 India
phone #: 01352435558
via: Dottolo dehradun
Anyway, thanks to all of you for your email responses. I will be in touch soon, as i dont start teaching until next week, but will probably only be able to write once a week starting then. Usually sundays..
i hope you are all well. please keep in touch!
much love
cass
Monday, September 4, 2006
Journal Entry 9/4/06
I love it here - India...Rishikesh...Ramana's Garden...all of it. It's beautiful and peaceful ("shanti shanti" as they say here) and it's full of everything I came here looking for: natural beauty, culture, travelers, good people, spirituality, and a chance to help. Yet, for some reason I don't quite feel a part of it yet. it could just be a matter of time, and I hope that this is the case. I certainly feel more a part of Ramana's every day. But I feel as though nothing is enough in this short amount of time. 2 months at Ramana's is nothing in proportion to these kids' lives. 2 months is barely enough time to really get to know ONE person, let alone 70! And, at the same time, I don't feel I have anything adequate to give these kids. I chose this project because it was out of my comfort zone. Working with kids is something I've never done before. And while I do feel like I'm pushing myself and that this will be a good experience for ME, I feel selfish and guilty because I don't know if I have it in me to really make any impact - let alone difference - in these kids' lives. It makes me question myself and my strength of character and my worth a great deal, because there are people around me here whose hearts are in this 100%...people who give everything they have into this place and into the kids, and I can see them making a difference. This is their calling, without a doubt. And then there's me - me who knew going into this that this wasn't my calling, but chose it to push MYSELF. I feel so selfish because I talk about wanting to make a difference in the world - a REAL one - and here I am living with these 60 amazing kids, and I feel I have nothing to give...
Saturday, September 2, 2006
Journal Entry 9/2/06
I have only been a visitor and habitant of Rishikesh (and Ramana's Garden more specifically), for a little over 24 hours, and I already so rapidly feel a sense of "home." Not home in a sense of residence as much as a sense of belonging. While there are adjustments to be made in terms of routine around the compound (the orphanage), getting to know the children and staff, as well as cultural adjustments (mostly social) such as remembering to say "namaste" in greeting instead of the habitual "hello" that most Westerners say even when visiting a foreign country...or removing my shoes when entering a room. I feel a very tangible acceptance to the remarkable "family" here. I had been told, but only now am starting to understand, how the Indian culture is more about the community as whole than it is about the well-being of an individual. While each individual is acknowledged, the community acts as a unit working toward one common goal to which everybody brings their skills and efforts. That is how Ramana's is run - each person (each volunteer) is appreciated, but the focus is on the health, safety, and most of all the education of the children. It is my belief, and my experience, that when a group of people work together to reach a common goal, each person whole-heartedly contributing what they are able, then not only are goals realized more effectively, but individuals are enriched more deeply.
Mass Email - Adventures in India Begin
Hello all!
After what has been an incredible and incredibly LONG journey, I am finally in Rishikesh, and have safely arrived at Ramana's Garden (the orphanage where I will be staying and working for the next 2 months). Even though I have only been in India for about a day and a half, I feel as though I left home a week ago! After not sleeping more than a couple hours (thanks to Joe, who kept feeding me drinks at Sam's Tues evening), I had to get up at 4am to try to catch an earlier flight to Newark Wed morning, since my scheduled flight was likely to get me there too late to catch my flight to Delhi. Fortunately, I made it on a 7:30am flight, and arrived in Newark with plenty of time to spend getting fattened up by my dad at the airport (thanks, Dad)! My flight to Delhi was scheduled to leave Newark at 8:45 pm, but boarding was pushed to about 9:20. After boarding, we ended up sitting on the runway in line for almost 4 hours before finally leaving the ground. Fortunately, however, I was seated next to a very nice, young Bengali couple who live in New Jersey and were flying home to see family. We talked for most of the flight, and had exchanged phone numbers and email addresses before even leaving the ground. They were the first of many warm Indian people I have encountered.
After a VERY long flight, I finally landed in Delhi 4 hours later than I was scheduled to arrive. My bags were also not on the flight on which I had arrived, so I spent an additional hour or so trying to find them...meanwhile, it hit me that the driver who was supposed to pick me up was nowhere in sight, so I was directed to a "pre-paid" taxi (the only taxi service sponsored federally that will not take you to a dark alley and tell you your destination has burned to the ground). After waiting outside in the rain with a funny little Indian man who asked me everything under the moon, including what I have to be the most commonly asked questions of Americans by Indian people:
1. Where are you from?
2. How old are you?
3. Why are you not married?
4. What is your job?
5. How much money do you make?
6. How much was your flight to India?
7. How many brothers or sisters do you have?
Apparently I'm considered somewhat of a rebel for a)not being married at my ripe-old age of 23, and b) not having any biological siblings. (I've now just stopped trying to explain the "step-sibling" idea and saying that I have 2 wonderful brothers and a beautiful sister - which is true). I finally was driven to a hotel close to the aiport at around 1am, where I immediately tried to get in touch with my parents so that I could contact the woman running the orphanage to let her know that I had not been picked up and was staying in Delhi. I finally reached her to find out that the drivers had been in the Continental office looking for me (which is why I missed them), and that she was sending them to the hotel to get me. It was quite a production at the hotel when I walked down the stairs carrying my bags after just checking in. I waited in the lobby for a half hour while 5 Indian bellmen all stood in a circle staring at me as if I were a novelty they'd never seen. I just sat quietly and laughed to myself.
After finally being picked up at 2:30am, I drove 6 hours to Rishikesh in tiny, un-airconditioned car with 2 lovely Indian men who proceded to ask me the same 7 questions as the taxi driver. While I was exhausted from not sleeping for 20-some-odd hours, the drive was so much to take in that I forced myself to stay awake.
Rishikesh is only 150 miles from Delhi, but the drive takes about 6 hours due to the roads which are very poorly paved and quite narrow.
The driving in India is enough to write many pages about, but I will spare you. Most roads have 2 lanes, although there really isnt any acknowledgment of them, as everyone drives just about anywhere on the road. And although in India they drive on the left side of the road, cars going both directions will drive on either side, swerving to avoid hitting oncoming traffic. It's kind of like a live version of Mario Cart (for those of you who play video games). Also, Indian drivers use their horns more than they use their brakes. Even if there is no car in sight, the drivers honk, and when there are cars around, they honk to let them know they are passing them, to which that car responds by honking back. It's hillarious, and made LA driving seem like a piece of cake.
The scenery on the way to Rishikesh was breathtaking in every extreme. We drove through villages consisting of cardboard huts with people sleeping outside on just about anything from cots to bicycles. Cows, pigs and dogs roam freely through the streets, often times sleeping right in the middle of the road, ignoring altogether the cars honking at them to move. In fact, we had to stop at one point so that the driver could literally throw a dog off the road so we could pass. Once we got farther north, the scenery changed to rich greenery. They have a word in Hindi, "Hariahi" which literally means "the fresh air comes from the green trees" and it perfectly depicts the area around the northern Ganges where I am living. Around 6am we stopped for Chai and sat on a cot watching the sun rising over the lower Himalayas, and I have to say it was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. The air was sticky-hot, but felt incredible through the car window as we drove our final leg to Rishikesh.
I arrived at Ramana's Garden at 7am on what I though was Thursday, but was actually Friday. I was greeted by a swarm of little children wearing grey jumpers over bright pink shirts (their school uniform) who immediately took my bags and led me to Dwabha (the woman who runs the orhpange.
The compound (the land on which the orphanage is built) reminds me a great deal of the Tom Sawyer treehouse in Disneyland. The land is surreal, surrounded by incredibly thick, lush greenery that reaches out over the mountains that stretch out around the Ganges (which they call "Ganga") with a constant white fog tracing over the lower hillsides and over the river. The houses in which we live on the compound are round and made of adobe, and consist solely of 2 woven cots, and a shelf. The rooms are decorated with crafts made by the children. There are ladders leading up to literal tree-houses built much like those on the ground. Dwabha lives in an incredible, larger replica of these, with an office built right above, to which you have to climb a ladder leading up to swinging wooden doors. There is a kitchen which is constantly in use by the resident staff (mothers of children at the orphanage school) who cook around the clock. Down the hill is the gazebo, which is a straw covered room looking out over the mountains and Ganga where we meet each night for "Satsong," a prayer ceremony where all the children sit in our laps and sing prayers in Hindi. The classrooms are on the lower level, as is the Cafe which serves the local villages, and will open in a few weeks.
Instead of sleeping, I was immediately swept away by the children who introduced me to the other volunteers. There is one other American girl named Maggie who has become my closest friend. She is from New Jersey, and had been at Ramana's for 5 months in the spring and has returned. She is 19, but has already assumed the head role, taking on practically every responsibilty including giving medicine, teaching, and reprimanding the teachers if they are not behaving properly (one teacher was beating the children. She got fired). There is also a Dutch couple living above me, athough they only work in the afternoons, as well as a couple Canadian volunteers who live in town and come to Ramana's in the afternoons. Although Dwabha runs the place, she is not usually around, as she is constantly fundraising for the school, and has just sold a movie script. She's remarkable. I will tell you more about her later, as it would take a while.
That day, I had to help tutor the children after class, and we went down to Ganga where they bathed and washed their clothes. We waded in the river, which is flowing very heavily now because it is Monsoon season (it has been lightly raining since I've arrived). I spent some time with Maggie, and ate dinner (the food is incredible), and we all gathered for Satsong. This was by far my favorite part of the day. The children all sang a welcoming song to me, which was one of many things that made me feel at home here.
I have felt a sense of home since I arrived. Not so much in the sense of residence as in a feeling of belonging. Many people told me, although I am only now starting to understand the Indian way of community. The life here is not about the individual (although all individuals are acknowledged for their part), but moreso about the community. The team at Ramana's works so closely, all with the the common goal of ensuring the children are safe, healthy and educated.
The staff and volunteers met today to discuss what we will all be doing. Ramana's just got 5 computers donated to the school, so I am going to start (and teach) a computer class twice a week to the 2nd through 6th classes (grades). I am excited to take on this challenge, as well as the challenge of everything else I will be doing over the next 2 months. It is definitely beyond my usual comfort zone, but upon meeting the children, I realized that THIS part of my time here is not about me, it is about them.
The children are beyond amazing, and I will elaboate more on them next time, as I know this is getting long. I have left out many details which I will fill in later, but I wanted to at least send an email to say that I have arrived safely and am doing very, very well. I am now in Rishikesh with my friend, Maggie, as today is crafts day (which ended at noon), and tomorrow is my day off. I will try to write again tomorrow if we stay in Rishikesh. The LeapNow groups come in a week or so, which means we will get a few days off to travel a bit. I have taken a great deal of pictures, and will try to send a few next time I write. The man who runs the internet cafe is out today, so I cannot load pictures.
It is looking like I will be working Mon - Friday full time, and until mid-afternoon on Saturdays, with Sundays off for the next couple of weeks, so I will probably only be able to write once, maybe twice a week. However, I would LOVE to hear from all of you, so please keep in touch. Many of you have been in my thoughts a great deal while I have been here, wishing you were here to experience certain things with me. I see and feel so many things that remind me of some of you, and I see so many of you in some of the children.
There are so many things I would like to explain in more detail, but I am still a bit jet-lagged and tired. As I said, I will describe details more later. I'm just happy to be here finally and finding everything I could have hoped for.
I hope you are all well. I will be in touch soon.
Love to you all,
Cass
After what has been an incredible and incredibly LONG journey, I am finally in Rishikesh, and have safely arrived at Ramana's Garden (the orphanage where I will be staying and working for the next 2 months). Even though I have only been in India for about a day and a half, I feel as though I left home a week ago! After not sleeping more than a couple hours (thanks to Joe, who kept feeding me drinks at Sam's Tues evening), I had to get up at 4am to try to catch an earlier flight to Newark Wed morning, since my scheduled flight was likely to get me there too late to catch my flight to Delhi. Fortunately, I made it on a 7:30am flight, and arrived in Newark with plenty of time to spend getting fattened up by my dad at the airport (thanks, Dad)! My flight to Delhi was scheduled to leave Newark at 8:45 pm, but boarding was pushed to about 9:20. After boarding, we ended up sitting on the runway in line for almost 4 hours before finally leaving the ground. Fortunately, however, I was seated next to a very nice, young Bengali couple who live in New Jersey and were flying home to see family. We talked for most of the flight, and had exchanged phone numbers and email addresses before even leaving the ground. They were the first of many warm Indian people I have encountered.
After a VERY long flight, I finally landed in Delhi 4 hours later than I was scheduled to arrive. My bags were also not on the flight on which I had arrived, so I spent an additional hour or so trying to find them...meanwhile, it hit me that the driver who was supposed to pick me up was nowhere in sight, so I was directed to a "pre-paid" taxi (the only taxi service sponsored federally that will not take you to a dark alley and tell you your destination has burned to the ground). After waiting outside in the rain with a funny little Indian man who asked me everything under the moon, including what I have to be the most commonly asked questions of Americans by Indian people:
1. Where are you from?
2. How old are you?
3. Why are you not married?
4. What is your job?
5. How much money do you make?
6. How much was your flight to India?
7. How many brothers or sisters do you have?
Apparently I'm considered somewhat of a rebel for a)not being married at my ripe-old age of 23, and b) not having any biological siblings. (I've now just stopped trying to explain the "step-sibling" idea and saying that I have 2 wonderful brothers and a beautiful sister - which is true). I finally was driven to a hotel close to the aiport at around 1am, where I immediately tried to get in touch with my parents so that I could contact the woman running the orphanage to let her know that I had not been picked up and was staying in Delhi. I finally reached her to find out that the drivers had been in the Continental office looking for me (which is why I missed them), and that she was sending them to the hotel to get me. It was quite a production at the hotel when I walked down the stairs carrying my bags after just checking in. I waited in the lobby for a half hour while 5 Indian bellmen all stood in a circle staring at me as if I were a novelty they'd never seen. I just sat quietly and laughed to myself.
After finally being picked up at 2:30am, I drove 6 hours to Rishikesh in tiny, un-airconditioned car with 2 lovely Indian men who proceded to ask me the same 7 questions as the taxi driver. While I was exhausted from not sleeping for 20-some-odd hours, the drive was so much to take in that I forced myself to stay awake.
Rishikesh is only 150 miles from Delhi, but the drive takes about 6 hours due to the roads which are very poorly paved and quite narrow.
The driving in India is enough to write many pages about, but I will spare you. Most roads have 2 lanes, although there really isnt any acknowledgment of them, as everyone drives just about anywhere on the road. And although in India they drive on the left side of the road, cars going both directions will drive on either side, swerving to avoid hitting oncoming traffic. It's kind of like a live version of Mario Cart (for those of you who play video games). Also, Indian drivers use their horns more than they use their brakes. Even if there is no car in sight, the drivers honk, and when there are cars around, they honk to let them know they are passing them, to which that car responds by honking back. It's hillarious, and made LA driving seem like a piece of cake.
The scenery on the way to Rishikesh was breathtaking in every extreme. We drove through villages consisting of cardboard huts with people sleeping outside on just about anything from cots to bicycles. Cows, pigs and dogs roam freely through the streets, often times sleeping right in the middle of the road, ignoring altogether the cars honking at them to move. In fact, we had to stop at one point so that the driver could literally throw a dog off the road so we could pass. Once we got farther north, the scenery changed to rich greenery. They have a word in Hindi, "Hariahi" which literally means "the fresh air comes from the green trees" and it perfectly depicts the area around the northern Ganges where I am living. Around 6am we stopped for Chai and sat on a cot watching the sun rising over the lower Himalayas, and I have to say it was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. The air was sticky-hot, but felt incredible through the car window as we drove our final leg to Rishikesh.
I arrived at Ramana's Garden at 7am on what I though was Thursday, but was actually Friday. I was greeted by a swarm of little children wearing grey jumpers over bright pink shirts (their school uniform) who immediately took my bags and led me to Dwabha (the woman who runs the orhpange.
The compound (the land on which the orphanage is built) reminds me a great deal of the Tom Sawyer treehouse in Disneyland. The land is surreal, surrounded by incredibly thick, lush greenery that reaches out over the mountains that stretch out around the Ganges (which they call "Ganga") with a constant white fog tracing over the lower hillsides and over the river. The houses in which we live on the compound are round and made of adobe, and consist solely of 2 woven cots, and a shelf. The rooms are decorated with crafts made by the children. There are ladders leading up to literal tree-houses built much like those on the ground. Dwabha lives in an incredible, larger replica of these, with an office built right above, to which you have to climb a ladder leading up to swinging wooden doors. There is a kitchen which is constantly in use by the resident staff (mothers of children at the orphanage school) who cook around the clock. Down the hill is the gazebo, which is a straw covered room looking out over the mountains and Ganga where we meet each night for "Satsong," a prayer ceremony where all the children sit in our laps and sing prayers in Hindi. The classrooms are on the lower level, as is the Cafe which serves the local villages, and will open in a few weeks.
Instead of sleeping, I was immediately swept away by the children who introduced me to the other volunteers. There is one other American girl named Maggie who has become my closest friend. She is from New Jersey, and had been at Ramana's for 5 months in the spring and has returned. She is 19, but has already assumed the head role, taking on practically every responsibilty including giving medicine, teaching, and reprimanding the teachers if they are not behaving properly (one teacher was beating the children. She got fired). There is also a Dutch couple living above me, athough they only work in the afternoons, as well as a couple Canadian volunteers who live in town and come to Ramana's in the afternoons. Although Dwabha runs the place, she is not usually around, as she is constantly fundraising for the school, and has just sold a movie script. She's remarkable. I will tell you more about her later, as it would take a while.
That day, I had to help tutor the children after class, and we went down to Ganga where they bathed and washed their clothes. We waded in the river, which is flowing very heavily now because it is Monsoon season (it has been lightly raining since I've arrived). I spent some time with Maggie, and ate dinner (the food is incredible), and we all gathered for Satsong. This was by far my favorite part of the day. The children all sang a welcoming song to me, which was one of many things that made me feel at home here.
I have felt a sense of home since I arrived. Not so much in the sense of residence as in a feeling of belonging. Many people told me, although I am only now starting to understand the Indian way of community. The life here is not about the individual (although all individuals are acknowledged for their part), but moreso about the community. The team at Ramana's works so closely, all with the the common goal of ensuring the children are safe, healthy and educated.
The staff and volunteers met today to discuss what we will all be doing. Ramana's just got 5 computers donated to the school, so I am going to start (and teach) a computer class twice a week to the 2nd through 6th classes (grades). I am excited to take on this challenge, as well as the challenge of everything else I will be doing over the next 2 months. It is definitely beyond my usual comfort zone, but upon meeting the children, I realized that THIS part of my time here is not about me, it is about them.
The children are beyond amazing, and I will elaboate more on them next time, as I know this is getting long. I have left out many details which I will fill in later, but I wanted to at least send an email to say that I have arrived safely and am doing very, very well. I am now in Rishikesh with my friend, Maggie, as today is crafts day (which ended at noon), and tomorrow is my day off. I will try to write again tomorrow if we stay in Rishikesh. The LeapNow groups come in a week or so, which means we will get a few days off to travel a bit. I have taken a great deal of pictures, and will try to send a few next time I write. The man who runs the internet cafe is out today, so I cannot load pictures.
It is looking like I will be working Mon - Friday full time, and until mid-afternoon on Saturdays, with Sundays off for the next couple of weeks, so I will probably only be able to write once, maybe twice a week. However, I would LOVE to hear from all of you, so please keep in touch. Many of you have been in my thoughts a great deal while I have been here, wishing you were here to experience certain things with me. I see and feel so many things that remind me of some of you, and I see so many of you in some of the children.
There are so many things I would like to explain in more detail, but I am still a bit jet-lagged and tired. As I said, I will describe details more later. I'm just happy to be here finally and finding everything I could have hoped for.
I hope you are all well. I will be in touch soon.
Love to you all,
Cass
Monday, August 14, 2006
Mission Statement: India
I leave for India in 2 weeks, 1 day, and eleven hours...ish. That is, of course, assuming Delhi doesnt get bombed by some rampant Al Quaeda terrorists, and the Indian Embassy (or my own common sense) doesnt allow me to enter the country. But, I'm hoping for the best. This will be my first visit to a so-called "third-world" country. I think (although I'm ignorantly assuming this out of sheer and blatant cynicism toward our current administration - and therefore America as a whole) that "third-world" is a term thought up by some occidental imperialist who believes that our fine YOUNG country is clearly far more civilized than, say, a country that has existed for thousands and thousands of years. *sigh* OK, perhaps in some ways...but certainly not in the contet of culture or spirituality. America, in the shadow of these "third-world" cultures is but an adolescent, struggling through the awkward turblance of cultural growth and identity. And our pathetic excuse for a leader is the perfect projection of an adolescent - wanting to do nothing but fight, impose his ignorant views onto other out of pride, and defend his views in such a way that 98% of what comes out of his mouth is complete and utter bullshit.
Who are we to step in and literally devastate a country with an unprecidented war, and the go so far as to try to completely change the government and values of a culture we dont even come close to understanding? Assholes. That's who. American assholes.
That said, perhaps some good has come out of these tragic, mind-numbingly maddening times. For me, the only two presidential elections I have been able to vote in have yeilded 5 years of an Administration that has almost completely drained the nation of America of its trust in the government. It has brought the first act of war on US soil since the bombings at Pearl Harbor (which, for people my age is primarily visualized as a heartwarming motion picture starring Ben Affleck & Josh Hartnett). It has instilled a sense of fear and vulnerability that has sparked a flame of fiery passion in so many young (and old) Americans that so unmistakably mirrors that of the late 1960's - early 1970's when people my age grew their hair long, stood in picket lines, wore flowers in their hair, took hallucinogenic drugs and wrote some of the best music in the history of man - all to try to find an outlet for the fear and anger that surrounded them, and to find a place of hope where peace existed amid chaos, and where the people of America were, indeed, free. Free from a war we don't believe in (Vietnam or Iraq), free from a government so corrupt that our leaders get away with such blatant lies and obvious crimes right in front of our face and nobody even bats an eye anymore. Free from a world that hates us so passionately that their compassion for Americans as brothers and sisters on this earth has crumbled into spite...all because of ONE person's pride and self-interest. Free from a government who turns its back on our rapidly decreasing environmental stability, and cares for nothing green other than money. It's maddening, heart-breaking, and absolutely 100% inexcusable.
BUT...as I said...I can find one small strand of hope amid this massive cloud of destruction, and that is that the cumulative events of the past 5 years have sparked an awakening flame within me to do something - ANYTHING - that will help start the long, slow process of reversing the damage that has been done - and more importantly, to prevent any more imminent damage from allowing this nation, this world, this planet to be destroyed in any sense of the word. I see that same fire in the faces of so many people around me, and I read about it in the stories of those who lived before me. I hear it in the words and voices of musicians, both old and new. It's promising because it shows that this need to protect ourselves and our earth is one innate facet of humanity, and in our world, that is a sign of truth. There is truth in this need for change, and that is what gives us hope that it is possible.
However, not everyone sees this truth. Many are too clouded by fear (fear of change, fear of the unknown) or greed or power or ignorance. Its an age-old problem, and I certainly don't claim to have THE solution. But, for me, one solution to these parasites of human nature seems so blindingly obvious: TRAVEL.
Travel the world, and do it in whatever way or by whatever means you wish - whether it's staying in 5 star hotels or backpacking through the wilderness, just TRAVEL! But make sure you take the time to really see the world. Breathe it in - all of it, the good the bad, the ugly and the breath-taking - but make sure you don't go back home until you really feel you are a part of it. Don't allow yourself to hide from the parts that scare you (i.e. the poverty, the illness, the death). That is jsut as real as the pristine mountains and tropical beaches, if not moreso, and one does not negate the other. Just because there is poverty and death does not mean there is not also beauty and wonder. And just because there is such incredible and immense beauty in this world, does not mean there is not also pain and suffering. They are not two separate worlds. They are one...and all things exist within it regardless of one another.
"Comparisons are odious."
And once, and only once you have seen these many seemingly contradicting, yet one in the same truths that exist in this world, will you suddenly feel and understand that you are a part of it...that while you may not be directly suffering, you are a part of all the suffering in the world (and therefore part of the solution if you choose to act); and while beauty may sometimes seem far and out of reach, you are a part of that too because it's all the same. We are all one. It's overwhelming and seems complex, I know. And while I am young and do not know many things, THIS I know to be true.
So, this long-winded, scattered, and most likely incomplete proclamation is my mission statement for my relatively short and insignificant trip to India. These are at least SOME of the thoughts that fluttered through my mind incongruently in the process leading up to (as well as after) my decision to make this trip. And while I have absolutely no idea what I'll find when I do make this trip, I can only hope that some of this - and I'm sure much, much more - will continue to be true and will guide me through this journey and those to come.
Who are we to step in and literally devastate a country with an unprecidented war, and the go so far as to try to completely change the government and values of a culture we dont even come close to understanding? Assholes. That's who. American assholes.
That said, perhaps some good has come out of these tragic, mind-numbingly maddening times. For me, the only two presidential elections I have been able to vote in have yeilded 5 years of an Administration that has almost completely drained the nation of America of its trust in the government. It has brought the first act of war on US soil since the bombings at Pearl Harbor (which, for people my age is primarily visualized as a heartwarming motion picture starring Ben Affleck & Josh Hartnett). It has instilled a sense of fear and vulnerability that has sparked a flame of fiery passion in so many young (and old) Americans that so unmistakably mirrors that of the late 1960's - early 1970's when people my age grew their hair long, stood in picket lines, wore flowers in their hair, took hallucinogenic drugs and wrote some of the best music in the history of man - all to try to find an outlet for the fear and anger that surrounded them, and to find a place of hope where peace existed amid chaos, and where the people of America were, indeed, free. Free from a war we don't believe in (Vietnam or Iraq), free from a government so corrupt that our leaders get away with such blatant lies and obvious crimes right in front of our face and nobody even bats an eye anymore. Free from a world that hates us so passionately that their compassion for Americans as brothers and sisters on this earth has crumbled into spite...all because of ONE person's pride and self-interest. Free from a government who turns its back on our rapidly decreasing environmental stability, and cares for nothing green other than money. It's maddening, heart-breaking, and absolutely 100% inexcusable.
BUT...as I said...I can find one small strand of hope amid this massive cloud of destruction, and that is that the cumulative events of the past 5 years have sparked an awakening flame within me to do something - ANYTHING - that will help start the long, slow process of reversing the damage that has been done - and more importantly, to prevent any more imminent damage from allowing this nation, this world, this planet to be destroyed in any sense of the word. I see that same fire in the faces of so many people around me, and I read about it in the stories of those who lived before me. I hear it in the words and voices of musicians, both old and new. It's promising because it shows that this need to protect ourselves and our earth is one innate facet of humanity, and in our world, that is a sign of truth. There is truth in this need for change, and that is what gives us hope that it is possible.
However, not everyone sees this truth. Many are too clouded by fear (fear of change, fear of the unknown) or greed or power or ignorance. Its an age-old problem, and I certainly don't claim to have THE solution. But, for me, one solution to these parasites of human nature seems so blindingly obvious: TRAVEL.
Travel the world, and do it in whatever way or by whatever means you wish - whether it's staying in 5 star hotels or backpacking through the wilderness, just TRAVEL! But make sure you take the time to really see the world. Breathe it in - all of it, the good the bad, the ugly and the breath-taking - but make sure you don't go back home until you really feel you are a part of it. Don't allow yourself to hide from the parts that scare you (i.e. the poverty, the illness, the death). That is jsut as real as the pristine mountains and tropical beaches, if not moreso, and one does not negate the other. Just because there is poverty and death does not mean there is not also beauty and wonder. And just because there is such incredible and immense beauty in this world, does not mean there is not also pain and suffering. They are not two separate worlds. They are one...and all things exist within it regardless of one another.
"Comparisons are odious."
And once, and only once you have seen these many seemingly contradicting, yet one in the same truths that exist in this world, will you suddenly feel and understand that you are a part of it...that while you may not be directly suffering, you are a part of all the suffering in the world (and therefore part of the solution if you choose to act); and while beauty may sometimes seem far and out of reach, you are a part of that too because it's all the same. We are all one. It's overwhelming and seems complex, I know. And while I am young and do not know many things, THIS I know to be true.
So, this long-winded, scattered, and most likely incomplete proclamation is my mission statement for my relatively short and insignificant trip to India. These are at least SOME of the thoughts that fluttered through my mind incongruently in the process leading up to (as well as after) my decision to make this trip. And while I have absolutely no idea what I'll find when I do make this trip, I can only hope that some of this - and I'm sure much, much more - will continue to be true and will guide me through this journey and those to come.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
J.P.M.F.Y.F.
J.P.M.F.Y.F. - by Tim Easton
(from his album "Ammunition")
Jesus, protect me...Jesus, protect me
From your father's words
Not all of them
Just the ones that turn love into fear and hatred
And the ones who say they are above me
And then point their fingers down at me
And the ones who judge me when I'm troubled
And then tell me on my street that I am lost
And they tell me on my doorstep that I will burn in Hell
Jesus, protect me...Jesus, protect me
From your father's words
Like the ones who only speak with anger
They're screaming from my television
While stealing from the hand that feeds them
And demanding that you are the only way
While spitting in the face of love
With one hand on the Bible and the other in the purse
Jesus, protect me...Jesus, protect me
From your father's words
Like the ones who turn their back on the dying
And laugh in the face of pain and suffering
They would kill in the name of freedom
Or the ones who would manipulate the constitution
And try to make laws of their opinions
While walking shoulder to shoulder with greed and violence
To the ones who would start wars in your name
To the ones who would attack me for this song
I sing Jesus, protect me...Jesus, protect me
From your father's words
Not all of them
Just the ones who turn love into fear and hatred
(from his album "Ammunition")
Jesus, protect me...Jesus, protect me
From your father's words
Not all of them
Just the ones that turn love into fear and hatred
And the ones who say they are above me
And then point their fingers down at me
And the ones who judge me when I'm troubled
And then tell me on my street that I am lost
And they tell me on my doorstep that I will burn in Hell
Jesus, protect me...Jesus, protect me
From your father's words
Like the ones who only speak with anger
They're screaming from my television
While stealing from the hand that feeds them
And demanding that you are the only way
While spitting in the face of love
With one hand on the Bible and the other in the purse
Jesus, protect me...Jesus, protect me
From your father's words
Like the ones who turn their back on the dying
And laugh in the face of pain and suffering
They would kill in the name of freedom
Or the ones who would manipulate the constitution
And try to make laws of their opinions
While walking shoulder to shoulder with greed and violence
To the ones who would start wars in your name
To the ones who would attack me for this song
I sing Jesus, protect me...Jesus, protect me
From your father's words
Not all of them
Just the ones who turn love into fear and hatred
Sunday, June 4, 2006
Home
I find myself dwelling on the idea of "home" much more frequently lately. The next 6 weeks....let alone the next 6 months....are going to yeild a great deal of change for me. Good change, for sure...but with change often comes a need to recharge and check in with "home" and all the people, places and feelings associated with it. I consider myself to be one of the most fortunate to have my "home" in such a place of beauty. I honestly can't think of any other place on earth to where I'd rather return than Marin county and our beautiful Bay Area. So much about this place just reminds me of everything I love and value and cherish in my life, and every time I return I feel as though my sense of self is somehow recharged and validated by the fulfillment I get from being home.
Home is a place where I can walk for 4 hours in the wilderness and not see a single human being. It's also a place where I can walk down the street and run into an old friend I haven't seen in years. It's where I spend hours laughing with my family, and where I'm reminded of why I love them. It's where I can spend an entire day and night on top of a mountain with an old friend and never want to come down. The sunsets are unmatched. The stars are always out. The deer and turkeys share the road with you, and the air is always fresh. You can recycle cans, bottles and paper when you're walking down the streets of Fairfax, and you can't look anywhere without seeing green.
The people - my people - are just as amazing. They care about the world both in sentiment and in action. They have passion that leads them down paths that are not only respectable, but inspirational. They defy convention and seek out happiness and success where most would never think to look. They overcome obstacles that would floor most. Most of them can out smart me in any discussion, and outwit me in any debate, but can still make me laugh until I cry. They've taught me about patience and about determination. They've taught me about compassion and about humilty. They've taught me to stand up for what I believe in, even if the people around me disagree, and that there are infinite ways to reach happiness. In knowing them, I've learned how to let go of pain and how to laugh. I've learned how to love unconditionally, even if from a distance. I've learned that sometimes people find what they've been looking for all their lives when it seems like it's too late...but really it's just in time. Some of them are my teachers, some my source of laughter. Some look out for me, while others give me someone to look out for. Some I've only known for a relatively short time, others I've known longer than even they know. But in them all I've found guidance, friendship, inspiration, support, lightness of heart, love and the freedom to be myself. They are home to me, and they continue to be the pillars of meaning in my life. They are my foundation.
And since leaving home, I have continued to build upon that foundation, finding others who emulate these values and sentiments and who have become a part of what I call "home." Over the past 5 years I have met just as many amazing people who inspire me in ways others have before, as well as in ways I could never have prepared for. I have found love of a whole new depth, and laughter unparalleled. And now as I prepare to leave both places I've considered home, I feel sad but fortunate to now have TWO places to which I can return and feel as though I'm coming home.
I guess home is much more than a place, or even a series of places. It's a feeling, and a sense of belonging. A sense that you have existed somewhere, been a part of something, and felt an impact by the people and places you've come to know. And, hopefully...if you're lucky...you leave an impact as well...so when you return...even if it's years later and just for a visit...you can somehow slither back into place...and feel as though you've been there before.
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