"No universally accepted definition of 'democracy' exists, especially with regard to the elements in a society which are required for it."
-Wikipedia (Democracy)
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Black & White?
Ok...so I guess it was bound to happen eventually. For the first time in our Nations brief but potent history we are knee-deep in an election that spotlights a woman and an African American man as our two pillars of hope for some semblance of change. I dont think I'm alone in my belief that our ONLY pillar of hope for real change in the country is Barack Obama. Don't get me wrong, I would love to see a woman in the White House just as much as the next chick, but I firmly believe that Hillary is not our best bet. She is a politician through and through, drenched and dripping with twenty-some-odd years of "experience" that in my mind translates to the jaded corruption that has unfortunately become synonymous with politics. If there were ever a time in America's history to pull ourselves out of the muck and mire of the Fraternity of previous leaders (ie the Bush-Clinton lineage) this is most definitely that moment.
So here we are, teetering on the brink of progress, with a candidate who continues to inspire and spark a small flame of hope that this year's election wont leave us in the tears of defeat that streamed down my face as I watched the final election results of 2004. Literally. Tears.
While the road down every election inevitably yeilds competitive bumps along the way, I have been pleasantly surprised at the humbleness, charisma and confidence with with Barack Obama has addressed the bumps that have come up. And I suppose it was inevitable that the issue of race would rear its ugly, but very real, head during this campaign.
Obama's former minister, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, spoke bluntly and passionately of racial division in America, honing in on the struggles and hinderances that a black man like Obama would face in his candidacy due to active American racism, and striking out against Clinton as a priveledged "rich, white," and precious politician. He made a pungent statement when he said "Hillary Clinton has never been called a 'Nigger.'" Yikes. Furthermore, he claimed that Clinton has a better chance at winning the candidacy than Obama solely because she is white.
Despite his role in Obama's campaign, not to mention his "family-like" ties with the Obama family, Barack Obama cut him from the campaign and humbly addressed the Reverand's comments today in Philadelphia. Rather than turning the "firestorm" (as he called it) into a heated outrage of racial defense, Obama casually but sternly recognized that race is, indeed, an issue...BUT, he quickly pushed through what could have been a major political roadblock and pointed out that the REAL issue to be recognized in Rev. Wright's comments is the potential for such a perspective to further divide our nation, and to magnify an issue that, while relevent in its own right, draws the attention away from other issues that America faces as a WHOLE, such as healthcare, the environmental crisis, the War in Iraq, etc.
I remember back in 7th grade when I was running for Student Council president. I remember talking to my mom about my "platform," and having her feed me advice that, to me, was only relevent to how I could improve school lunches and student body assemblies. She told me "the difference between a good leader and a bad leader is that a good leader will make decisions that are better for the whole, even if it may put them in a disadvantage. A bad leader makes choices that benefit himself alone, ignoring the well-being of the whole."
This, I believe, is one of the supreme qualifications of Barack Obama to turn this country around. We have become so conditioned to a leader who acts only out of his own self-interest (whether it be his relationship to oil in the Middle East, or chasing after the man who hurt his daddy's pride in the Gulf War), and we have pathetically accepted the fact that any decision made by Bush is likely to benefit Bush and hurt America. But Barack Obama has proven thus far to follow a different path, with different motivations that, frighteningly, have become foreign to us as a nation of "we the people:" to actually act out of the best interest for the whole, rather than the individual. Rather than dwell on the issue of race, which he could potentially use as a pity card or a platform from which to spring bouts of civil rights preachings, he has respectfully addressed that racism (of any kind) is nothing but a dividing force that will widen the already increasing gap among the American people, and points us toward the horizon of actively addressing pressing issues that will influence us as a nation of individuals, united.
To check out the video footage of his speech, click here:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/03/18/obama.speech/index.html#cnnSTCVideo
So here we are, teetering on the brink of progress, with a candidate who continues to inspire and spark a small flame of hope that this year's election wont leave us in the tears of defeat that streamed down my face as I watched the final election results of 2004. Literally. Tears.
While the road down every election inevitably yeilds competitive bumps along the way, I have been pleasantly surprised at the humbleness, charisma and confidence with with Barack Obama has addressed the bumps that have come up. And I suppose it was inevitable that the issue of race would rear its ugly, but very real, head during this campaign.
Obama's former minister, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, spoke bluntly and passionately of racial division in America, honing in on the struggles and hinderances that a black man like Obama would face in his candidacy due to active American racism, and striking out against Clinton as a priveledged "rich, white," and precious politician. He made a pungent statement when he said "Hillary Clinton has never been called a 'Nigger.'" Yikes. Furthermore, he claimed that Clinton has a better chance at winning the candidacy than Obama solely because she is white.
Despite his role in Obama's campaign, not to mention his "family-like" ties with the Obama family, Barack Obama cut him from the campaign and humbly addressed the Reverand's comments today in Philadelphia. Rather than turning the "firestorm" (as he called it) into a heated outrage of racial defense, Obama casually but sternly recognized that race is, indeed, an issue...BUT, he quickly pushed through what could have been a major political roadblock and pointed out that the REAL issue to be recognized in Rev. Wright's comments is the potential for such a perspective to further divide our nation, and to magnify an issue that, while relevent in its own right, draws the attention away from other issues that America faces as a WHOLE, such as healthcare, the environmental crisis, the War in Iraq, etc.
I remember back in 7th grade when I was running for Student Council president. I remember talking to my mom about my "platform," and having her feed me advice that, to me, was only relevent to how I could improve school lunches and student body assemblies. She told me "the difference between a good leader and a bad leader is that a good leader will make decisions that are better for the whole, even if it may put them in a disadvantage. A bad leader makes choices that benefit himself alone, ignoring the well-being of the whole."
This, I believe, is one of the supreme qualifications of Barack Obama to turn this country around. We have become so conditioned to a leader who acts only out of his own self-interest (whether it be his relationship to oil in the Middle East, or chasing after the man who hurt his daddy's pride in the Gulf War), and we have pathetically accepted the fact that any decision made by Bush is likely to benefit Bush and hurt America. But Barack Obama has proven thus far to follow a different path, with different motivations that, frighteningly, have become foreign to us as a nation of "we the people:" to actually act out of the best interest for the whole, rather than the individual. Rather than dwell on the issue of race, which he could potentially use as a pity card or a platform from which to spring bouts of civil rights preachings, he has respectfully addressed that racism (of any kind) is nothing but a dividing force that will widen the already increasing gap among the American people, and points us toward the horizon of actively addressing pressing issues that will influence us as a nation of individuals, united.
To check out the video footage of his speech, click here:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/03/18/obama.speech/index.html#cnnSTCVideo
Packin' it all up...
I've packed it all up and climbed back into my head.
I'm back in that place where no one knows what goes on in my head. This is in part because no one asks, and in part because I dont offer it up. I'm home, surrounded by family and friends who care, who ask, who poke and prod, and who draw me out into the world for brief periods of discussions, but all I can think about is how I want nothing more than to be locked away in my room and left to my own devices.
I'm incapable of giving much to anyone right now...even if a part of me wants to. It's a lonely but strangely indugent feeling, accompanied by a pang of sadness that I know all too well. I have so much stirring about, that the only instinct I have is to produce something...create something...to regergitate everything mulling around inside. It's not just a desire, but an intrinsic need. Like eating when hungry, drinking when thirsty, and sleeping when tired.
I feel like no one really knows me. Part of that tortures me, while I relish in it at the same time.
Crazy?
I'm back in that place where no one knows what goes on in my head. This is in part because no one asks, and in part because I dont offer it up. I'm home, surrounded by family and friends who care, who ask, who poke and prod, and who draw me out into the world for brief periods of discussions, but all I can think about is how I want nothing more than to be locked away in my room and left to my own devices.
I'm incapable of giving much to anyone right now...even if a part of me wants to. It's a lonely but strangely indugent feeling, accompanied by a pang of sadness that I know all too well. I have so much stirring about, that the only instinct I have is to produce something...create something...to regergitate everything mulling around inside. It's not just a desire, but an intrinsic need. Like eating when hungry, drinking when thirsty, and sleeping when tired.
I feel like no one really knows me. Part of that tortures me, while I relish in it at the same time.
Crazy?
Monday, March 17, 2008
Reality Check
...all of those seemingly glorified ideals aside, I believe that there is just as much "truth" in the fumbling about of everyday human experience. In fact, most of the human experience...or at least my own...is rooted in perpetual fumbling. One could even argue that those who lock themselves up in a box with their values, opinions and ideals set in stone, and who avoid "mistakes" at all costs and refuse to experience anything that might pierce their safety bubble are actually farther away from "truth" than those who choose to experience any and everything and write off painful experiences as "learning opportunities."
I'm starting to feel a bit lost in the alley of these two towering lifestyles. I've always considered myself to be the latter, but I'm starting to realize that my pre and post-adolescent lifestyle of experimentation, indulgence, and melancholic exploration has now turned me into a somewhat numb, overly-cautious and...dare I say...cynical person. I think I may have gone about things backwards...
Perhaps the pains of my early childhood led me to seek these heightened experiences of drugs, angry and rebellious actings-out, toxic/abusive relationships, and everything that seemed to come as a result of all-of-the-above at an earlier age than most. I vaguely remember a momentary lapse of what seemed to be clarity at age 16 while dancing at a giant warehouse in the middle of Downtown Oakland (Home Base, for you Bay Area kids) at 3am, surrounded by 30,000 people who were on just as many (if not far more) hits of X as I was, while making out and profusely rubbing (in that way that people do while rolling on X) a guy who would shortly thereafter get me pregnant....I remember thinking ever so briefly: "this is not going to make anything in my life better."
Needless to say, countless weekends of dropping pills with various concoctions of chemicals and hallucinogens, sleeping with a douchebag guy who I never even liked to begin with, and dancing to trance music didn't really get me anywhere other than depressed, cracked out, freakishly skinny, knocked up and an "F" in Algebra. But who's to say that having that experience...or more importantly, coming through it alive and intact...didn't contribute to my overall awareness of my own truth?
In fact, having various experiences such as this one (and those that caused me to indulge in such a way) are what have led me to dig deeper, to pull myself out of the proverbial hole I have dug, and come out on top all the wiser...if not moreso. I pride myself on the things I've experienced...those that were painful and destructive just as much as those that were healing and constructive. That is the basis for my "spirituality" I guess...seeing all of the things we experience as being one in the same...part of the same journey and equally valid.
I have to say, though, that the past year or two have been quite isolating for me because of where I stand in my process right now. The crazy thing about life is that we really do go through it alone. Most of us are lucky enough to have solid people join us at various points along the way, but for those of us to choose to venture off on our own at any point will inevitably face the reality that -eventually- the people who are in our lives (even those who are particularly close to us) will never really know us in our entirety. If we leave home, then we are fated to love and share our lives with people who didn't know us when...
It's a strange feeling.
I am an only child, so growing up I didn't have siblings to commiserate with or lean on or learn from. I consider it a gift in many ways because I feel that my forced independence has taught me to depend on myself to get through whatever life feeds me. But the people who have come into my life in the past couple of years have gotten to know a very fragmented version of me...and it can feel a bit isolating. I often feel very misunderstood.
This notion struck me suddenly several days ago when a guy who I was fortunate enough to have in my bed and in my company every so briefly, told me that he had seen me as being very innocent. Maybe some girls would smirk and swoon and feel a sense of contentment at hearing this, but it made me feel slighted, insulted, and so very alone. Needless to say, the guy wouldn't have anything on which to base his knowledge of my past, but it made me feel like I needed to justify my life experiences with a long-winded run down of the past 25 years.
I didnt subject him to it, but it left me feeling a bit hollow.
It's strange to have come out of so many years of pain and destruction...gone through an intense process of working through it all...found some peace of mind....and then be seen as being innocent, as if I had never experienced all of the things that led me to become more "together," more "mature," and more cautious.
But who do you choose to explain yourself to? Who do you choose to tell your story to so that they may better understand and appreciate you as a complete person and not just someone who has only been alive for the short period of time during which they've been in your world?
...the ones who ask, i guess.
I'm starting to feel a bit lost in the alley of these two towering lifestyles. I've always considered myself to be the latter, but I'm starting to realize that my pre and post-adolescent lifestyle of experimentation, indulgence, and melancholic exploration has now turned me into a somewhat numb, overly-cautious and...dare I say...cynical person. I think I may have gone about things backwards...
Perhaps the pains of my early childhood led me to seek these heightened experiences of drugs, angry and rebellious actings-out, toxic/abusive relationships, and everything that seemed to come as a result of all-of-the-above at an earlier age than most. I vaguely remember a momentary lapse of what seemed to be clarity at age 16 while dancing at a giant warehouse in the middle of Downtown Oakland (Home Base, for you Bay Area kids) at 3am, surrounded by 30,000 people who were on just as many (if not far more) hits of X as I was, while making out and profusely rubbing (in that way that people do while rolling on X) a guy who would shortly thereafter get me pregnant....I remember thinking ever so briefly: "this is not going to make anything in my life better."
Needless to say, countless weekends of dropping pills with various concoctions of chemicals and hallucinogens, sleeping with a douchebag guy who I never even liked to begin with, and dancing to trance music didn't really get me anywhere other than depressed, cracked out, freakishly skinny, knocked up and an "F" in Algebra. But who's to say that having that experience...or more importantly, coming through it alive and intact...didn't contribute to my overall awareness of my own truth?
In fact, having various experiences such as this one (and those that caused me to indulge in such a way) are what have led me to dig deeper, to pull myself out of the proverbial hole I have dug, and come out on top all the wiser...if not moreso. I pride myself on the things I've experienced...those that were painful and destructive just as much as those that were healing and constructive. That is the basis for my "spirituality" I guess...seeing all of the things we experience as being one in the same...part of the same journey and equally valid.
I have to say, though, that the past year or two have been quite isolating for me because of where I stand in my process right now. The crazy thing about life is that we really do go through it alone. Most of us are lucky enough to have solid people join us at various points along the way, but for those of us to choose to venture off on our own at any point will inevitably face the reality that -eventually- the people who are in our lives (even those who are particularly close to us) will never really know us in our entirety. If we leave home, then we are fated to love and share our lives with people who didn't know us when...
It's a strange feeling.
I am an only child, so growing up I didn't have siblings to commiserate with or lean on or learn from. I consider it a gift in many ways because I feel that my forced independence has taught me to depend on myself to get through whatever life feeds me. But the people who have come into my life in the past couple of years have gotten to know a very fragmented version of me...and it can feel a bit isolating. I often feel very misunderstood.
This notion struck me suddenly several days ago when a guy who I was fortunate enough to have in my bed and in my company every so briefly, told me that he had seen me as being very innocent. Maybe some girls would smirk and swoon and feel a sense of contentment at hearing this, but it made me feel slighted, insulted, and so very alone. Needless to say, the guy wouldn't have anything on which to base his knowledge of my past, but it made me feel like I needed to justify my life experiences with a long-winded run down of the past 25 years.
I didnt subject him to it, but it left me feeling a bit hollow.
It's strange to have come out of so many years of pain and destruction...gone through an intense process of working through it all...found some peace of mind....and then be seen as being innocent, as if I had never experienced all of the things that led me to become more "together," more "mature," and more cautious.
But who do you choose to explain yourself to? Who do you choose to tell your story to so that they may better understand and appreciate you as a complete person and not just someone who has only been alive for the short period of time during which they've been in your world?
...the ones who ask, i guess.
Getting Down to Business
I suppose I should begin this by identifying myself as a person of faith.
It makes me cringe a bit to think of the immediate reaction that phrase will evoke in many people reading this (if anyone even is). Despite the common conclusion to which most people would jump when hearing a person define themselves as such, this does not mean that I am devoutly religious by any means. In fact, I find religion to be a rudimentary, human manifestation of a bigger spiritual picture. One aspect of humanity that I find to be quite frustrating is our tendency to want to place everything and everyone neatly in respective categories based on shared qualities or interests. Don't get me wrong, I'm guilty of it myself, but it is a habit I'm trying to shed as I find it quite limiting. We do it to one another, and we do it to ourselves. I find it to be particularly relevent living in a sprawling metropolis such as Los Angeles, where people seem to come, claiming to be seeking recognition as unique and distictive, but usually end up falling into a particular mold of one of the many "scenes" as a result of relentlessly trying to uphold a desired image. I'm still not sure who it is everyone is trying to impress or prove themselves to....
I suppose I see religion in the same light. I'm not one to judge or undermine the validity of any one religion (just as I'm in no position to judge any one social "scene"). Each one, in the purest form, is equally valid in principle and purpose...a means to reach a desired "end," and to understand more deeply the essence of something bigger than ourselves. But just as - in the context of social scenes - the underlying common thread is that of shared human existence, so - in the context of religions - is there an underlying common thread of spiritual existence.
As someone...undoubtedly wise in their own right...once said to define this idea in a nutshell: "Many paths, one way." Each of us is on our own journey. It is MY belief that this journey is spiritual in essence, but experienced through our unique and collective human existence. To quote yet another anonymous sage: "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience." I believe our permanent, essential existence is spiritual...that we are all essentially spiritual beings, and that our human existence is temporary, impermanent, and ever-changing based on our experiences. I believe we are all entitled - furthermore, obligated - to make our own choices to define how we choose to venture on our journey as human beings. We define ourselves by the choices we make, every minute of every day. But, ultimately, it is my belief that we're all heading in the same direction...to the same ultimate goal...and it is this goal that I like to undeservingly drag down into the human vernacular by giving it the limiting name of "Truth."
It is this "Truth" that I hope to discuss, fumble around with, disect, shred, question and challenge. Ideally, I'd like for this to be a dialogue with anyone interested in chasing tails with me. I welcome criticism, questions, rebuttles, anger, agreement, disagreement....the only thing I wish to be free of in this forum is judgement. There is no room for it here. I believe it is possible, and VITAL, to discuss among ourselves, as human beings - all entitled to our own opinions, our own wisdom based on our own experiences, our own beliefs, and our own truths - within a space that holds ALL of this and is free from judgement. So this is what I am attempting to create.
It makes me cringe a bit to think of the immediate reaction that phrase will evoke in many people reading this (if anyone even is). Despite the common conclusion to which most people would jump when hearing a person define themselves as such, this does not mean that I am devoutly religious by any means. In fact, I find religion to be a rudimentary, human manifestation of a bigger spiritual picture. One aspect of humanity that I find to be quite frustrating is our tendency to want to place everything and everyone neatly in respective categories based on shared qualities or interests. Don't get me wrong, I'm guilty of it myself, but it is a habit I'm trying to shed as I find it quite limiting. We do it to one another, and we do it to ourselves. I find it to be particularly relevent living in a sprawling metropolis such as Los Angeles, where people seem to come, claiming to be seeking recognition as unique and distictive, but usually end up falling into a particular mold of one of the many "scenes" as a result of relentlessly trying to uphold a desired image. I'm still not sure who it is everyone is trying to impress or prove themselves to....
I suppose I see religion in the same light. I'm not one to judge or undermine the validity of any one religion (just as I'm in no position to judge any one social "scene"). Each one, in the purest form, is equally valid in principle and purpose...a means to reach a desired "end," and to understand more deeply the essence of something bigger than ourselves. But just as - in the context of social scenes - the underlying common thread is that of shared human existence, so - in the context of religions - is there an underlying common thread of spiritual existence.
As someone...undoubtedly wise in their own right...once said to define this idea in a nutshell: "Many paths, one way." Each of us is on our own journey. It is MY belief that this journey is spiritual in essence, but experienced through our unique and collective human existence. To quote yet another anonymous sage: "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience." I believe our permanent, essential existence is spiritual...that we are all essentially spiritual beings, and that our human existence is temporary, impermanent, and ever-changing based on our experiences. I believe we are all entitled - furthermore, obligated - to make our own choices to define how we choose to venture on our journey as human beings. We define ourselves by the choices we make, every minute of every day. But, ultimately, it is my belief that we're all heading in the same direction...to the same ultimate goal...and it is this goal that I like to undeservingly drag down into the human vernacular by giving it the limiting name of "Truth."
It is this "Truth" that I hope to discuss, fumble around with, disect, shred, question and challenge. Ideally, I'd like for this to be a dialogue with anyone interested in chasing tails with me. I welcome criticism, questions, rebuttles, anger, agreement, disagreement....the only thing I wish to be free of in this forum is judgement. There is no room for it here. I believe it is possible, and VITAL, to discuss among ourselves, as human beings - all entitled to our own opinions, our own wisdom based on our own experiences, our own beliefs, and our own truths - within a space that holds ALL of this and is free from judgement. So this is what I am attempting to create.
Preface
Let me first preface this by surrendering to the possibility that I have absolutely no idea what I’m saying. In fact, that is more or less my motivation in starting this blog.
I suppose it could be said that I am one who seeks. While the object of my seeking has proven to be fluid and ever-changing, I could humbly attempt to narrow down that object to Truth. I suppose, actually, that to deem Truth an “object” is to wander blindly in a misplaced vernacular, because truth…like all those other things we, as humans, seem to go chasing after (love, power, beauty, etc)…is beyond any tangible description or realm. It is elusive and undefinable…and to seek it is much like trying to catch the wind.
But, alas, one of the wonderfully humorous naiveté’s of being human is our constant attempt to chase things we cannot see, and to understand things just slightly beyond our reach.
I suppose it could be said that I am one who seeks. While the object of my seeking has proven to be fluid and ever-changing, I could humbly attempt to narrow down that object to Truth. I suppose, actually, that to deem Truth an “object” is to wander blindly in a misplaced vernacular, because truth…like all those other things we, as humans, seem to go chasing after (love, power, beauty, etc)…is beyond any tangible description or realm. It is elusive and undefinable…and to seek it is much like trying to catch the wind.
But, alas, one of the wonderfully humorous naiveté’s of being human is our constant attempt to chase things we cannot see, and to understand things just slightly beyond our reach.
I Call A Do-Over...Again
I am impeccably skilled at starting new projects...however I seem to have misplaced my ability to finish any of them.
I have started about 5 blogs over the course of the past 5 years or so, and rather than continuing to contribute to one of them, I keep starting new ones in an attempt to "wipe the slate clean," or what have you.
So...by gathering bits and peices of previous posts from previous blogs (the ones I've actually been able to track down), this is either my final attempt to start over and actually maintain a blog.......or, it's just another great idea gone wrong.
We'll see...
I have started about 5 blogs over the course of the past 5 years or so, and rather than continuing to contribute to one of them, I keep starting new ones in an attempt to "wipe the slate clean," or what have you.
So...by gathering bits and peices of previous posts from previous blogs (the ones I've actually been able to track down), this is either my final attempt to start over and actually maintain a blog.......or, it's just another great idea gone wrong.
We'll see...
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